111. A night to remember forget.

Ahem.

Family outings are one thing. Family outings with purpose attatched to them find me in a completely different place. I enjoy dinner with the family, a nice walk now and again, even a good American Idol night on the couch. Lets talk about bra shopping though. Yeeeeep...the family outing...bra shopping.

Dad waits in the car not wanting anything to do with any of this. Taylor is dancing through the parking lot and I'm sulking holding my sk3 knowing the next 45 minutes are going to be like walking on hot lava rocks while trying to recite the alphabet backwards for time or something close to it. My mom looks forward to this kind of thing. Some guy opens the door for us...hes all cold and freezing and he goes..."welcome to kohls?" hahahahahaha. Just some random dude. I have like 15 bras...of course none fit. Then my mom must make friends with the "bra lady" at kohls. I didnt even know they had one of those people. Is that a job title or is that self proclaimed? She told my mom shes been doing this for 33 years and I kindly explained to my mother thaaat...I dont care if she had been doing it for 110 years...she wont touch me. My mom laughed and kept making conversation about akward things. Success? Not so much...tried on 20...walked away with one.

Everyday should be family day.



Things I enjoy:

- Lunches with old friends.
- Jenny surprising me with hot cheetos because she knows how much they make my day.
- Buying myself a slurpee.
- Realizing why I dont eat sugar very often.
- Family outings.
- Finishing my take home test...6 pages later.
- Dani having a birthday exactly a week after mine.
- Giving away cds just because.
- My sidekick dying and me having an excuse to be MIA.
- Running.
- Stopping.
- Red light.
- Green light.
- Yellow light slow down.
- Black tea lemonaide sweetened.
- Tag spray.
- Scars.
- Having 4 more weeks of school.
- Seeing darcie in the mornings.
- Admitting things to myself.
- "Capri"...go download it.
- Making a choice on school and sticking with it.
- Getting random emails just because.
- Wind when its calm.
- Sleeping in.
- Socks that are black.
- Kelly and I talking.


There will be more friday. I need sleep now. This paper killed me.

110. Monday never felt so good.

Good...great mood.

Sunny days get me like this. Warm inside. Possibly the huge sun outside making me feel warm making me feel like I could be warm on the inside..if that makes any sense.

I'm going to school next fall. Aaaaand the winner is....Cal State East Bay.

I'll be majoring in communications with an emphasis on public relations.

I'm very excited, relieved, and proud. Remind me to write an empowering blog on this in the near future. Theres still lots to get done and the road has not ended, but it is a large weight lifted off of my shoulders. =]

Playlist:

1. Lollipop - Lil Wayne (the worlds favorite song right?)
2. Party People - Nelly ft Fergie.
3. Love in this club pt 2 - Usher ft Beyonce and Lil Wayne.
4. Ride with me - Nelly.
5. Buzzin' - Shwayze.
6. Addiction - Ryan Leslie ft Cassie.
7. Forever - Chris Brown.
8. Damaged - Danity Kane.
9. Got me going - Day 26.
10. Free - Day 26.
11. Under my nose - Colby O' Donis.
12. Daylight - Aesop Rock.
13. I need a girl - Pdiddy ft Usher.
14. Razorblade Salvation - Jedi Mind Tricks.






Have a good week. Enjoy the sun. Remember...somebody always has it harder than you do. If that's always in the back of your mind...you'll do just fine with struggles that come about. In the wise words of my great friend kitty THE kat...work hard, play hard but work hard first.

=]

109. Cool since 88'

I'm 20.

Thank you to everyone who made my birthday a special one. Whether it was texts, cards, phone calls, hanging out, or just thoughts...it all means tons. =]. It was a good birthday for sure.

















"I can move mountains," some say. And I believe they can, but I can shyly kick pebbles across a single stretch of concrete, smiling, with my eyes closed, dreaming, and both my hands sufficiently tucked deep into my pockets...and gather the same reaction. It is not how large the issue at hand is, but how it is dealt with. Some would say that it is the end result. I find it to not be the starting point, nor the end result, but the way one moves across in the paths between. 20 years and growing. Watch out. Moving mountains....kicking pebbles.

108. I got the whole city behind me.

P.Diddy? No...Ashley.

You think I'm playin. I'm not. Not in the slightest. I found out tonight that this is very much possible. I love my family. Tonight we had a special guest. We seem to bring in special guests once in a while. Anyways...it was very very nice.

I spent the day at the beach. Pacifica was a nice time. The company was excellent as well. Took a drive down the coast by half moon bay...walked around...held great conversation. It was a superb start to my birthday week. 3 days and counting!

107. It's Friday boo.

Happiness this week is...
- Darcie calling me randomly.
- Stories love darcie.
- Stories love anyone.
- Taylor enjoying my iPod.
- Days where we don't eat pizza.
- Singing..shh.
- Cheeto hot fries con limon..ole!
- Backstage tours.
- Knowing I'll be 20 in a few days.
- Sleep.
- Playing the trumpet.
- Jason Mraz.
- Passing tests.
- Tests being postponed.
- Folks coming out of the woodworks.
- Feeling nostalgic.
- Video games liiike nba live.
- Wearing expensive clothes.
- When my hiccups end.
- Making cookies then failing..but my dad eating them and saying they taste great..just to make me feel better.
- The DMV at 7:30.
- Having a dollar and sixty one cents of change in my jean pocket.
- Free food...or 5 dollar subway.
- Making new friends at the mall.
- The homeless man who threw up the peace sign after I gave him 4 bucks.
- Randomly texting people song lines and seeing how they respond.
- Comfortable silence.
- Voices of theory.
- This:

- Taylor hugging me when I get home.
- Kaitlynn coming home on a wednesday instead of a dumb ol weekend!
- Being angry about waking up then realizing I like life so why be angry.
- Watching youtube videos.
- Hunting for fake pluggs because im too chicken to stretch my ears for real.
- Finding potential roomates.
- Being confused.
- Those teal air max's.
- Finding out kait diggs lil wayne.
- Digging lil wayne.
- Art galleries with jessica.
- Baseball season.
- Hockey games.
- Reading hard books with big words and then using those words in the right context.
- My sidekick 3.
- Love, like, love-like, and things of that halmark nature.
- Saying things like this...
I'm not a business man
I'm thee business, man
So mind ya damn business man.
- Not knowing why i say things like that.
- Making people happy.
- Seeking truth.


Kelly and I have a dinner date to attend to. I shall write more if more comes about.

106. No one holds the door...

at the DMV. I truly believe that is the one place on earth that absolutely no one would even think about holding a door for a person behind them. Walking into DMV should be at your own risk. Hands heavy to open a door by yourself and know that friends that came with you...are now enemies. I'm exaggerating. However...the DMV experience is one that is stressful. I would bring a book with me each time if I wasnt so smart as to get there a half hour before opening time. Being 3rd in line helps when there is 20 windows available at the start of a day. People are so friendly outside while waiting. Once inside though...faces change. Haha I like it though. Gives me that competitive edge I have slowly been lacking since my retirement (I say that loosely) from softball. My whole ordeal took about 5 minutes once inside. I should have my new license in about a week. I know that whatever plastic card I receive...will be better then the awkward mess of my 15 1/2 year old picture.

Speaking of a week....my birthday is in exactly one week. Not like its a milestone birthday, but 20 is a cool age to be turning. It's out of being a teen and not quite legal to do all things. I kind of feel like that's where my life is anyway at this point; somewhere in the middle. I'm not going back to the way I was...and yet I'm not quite ready for who I will be. I keep forgetting that this is me now. More often than not I say that I look forward to who I will be in a few years. Truth of that statement is it's already happened. I'm deciding who I am and how I shall turn out. I can choose at any time. This has nothing to do with age. I'm an old soul...I already know that. One year older...one year wiser. One week! =]





And just because we all need some midweek wisdom...

You are the kind of intricate simplicity I can wait for - though I'd rather not, to tell you the truth. Because my cheeks know no sadness like the short breathed, stifled smile sort yours leave them in. They rise and fall with the turning patterns of my half genuine heart from your happiness created from the depths of another -- don't leave quite yet. Ready won't come if it's rushed, and ready will fail to suffice if I am only left with an awful eyeful of an empty volume where you once stood, now walking away. I wish you'd look back. Because I remain looking forward, eyes softly shut to hide the green envy of the literal, and I continue to see you. "I'm in too deep", and I'm - wishing I was deep, embedded into your heart, so I wouldn't have to pretend I don't wither away worrying so much. Because I rather like liking you, and I think it would hurt if I had to stop. Scary, but now that I'm here I am willing to meet the potentials. Theres a hand around my heavy heart, holding the poundage up. I need that hand. One is all I will receive for now, and as reluctant as I am to say it...I'd rather have half of your two, than zero of your one. Understand that each step I take in an opposite direction doesn't make me a coward, but a genius. Once I am fully in a pace of a stroll I will proudly say...that brilliance makes billions and footsteps move mountains.

105. Brain twist.

Fancy that?
Because I fancy that.
And I find it fancy that
me and you can call it that.
Even if I call you something totally different.
I'll start by saying one in a million.
Rather one in a trillion
and a billion miles we have come
and I felt beyond my wisdom back to dumb.
You listened.
You listen.
Youre the one.
Taking time to see the past and walk on the path
to least resistance.
I pulled...you pulled
and now we are at middle ground with two on your side
and me with air along for the ride,
and I still stay happy.
I liked being too sappy.
You didnt leave me because I left myself.
Head up, heart strong.
I havent gone wrong because I write to be right.
I'll be alright.
Know you'll never be out of sight.










Tiny and complicated. Big and easy. I look from all angles. They all point to you. I'm at a good place.

104. Best birthday party ever.

Thats all I've got to say about that. Thank you to everyone who made the night a total blast. Thanks to audreys parents who cooked all the food and let us use the house. Thank you to everyone who came out and spent the evening with us for our birthdays. When audrey and I had the idea of a bbq birthday...we didnt think it would turn out as cool as it did. The pictures are up on myspace and facebook. I'll put some up on here in a while.





Theres a lot that I realized last night. Its safe to say I have some of the greatest people surrounding me in my life. I am truly blessed for what I have been given. I wouldnt trade this for the world. I am rich. Rich in friends, rich in faith, rich in opportunity.




Head up, heart strong.

103. One who can still make it hot.

Mariah Carey has been one of my all time favorite singers. She continuously keeps it hot and her music is no different. Her album is set to drop on April 15th. It leaked a few weeks early and I magically put songs on a cd for myself. I will buy her album though. I'm not a type of person to download and cop music for free without supporting at least the few artists that are worthy of it. I bought kanyes album, I'll buy ushers album, I'll buy mariahs album. =] Music Music Music.

Happy Birthday Audrey!!! I love you.

This guy has been one of my favorites for a while. I found him on some music website. Hes from the netherlands and can blowww big time. He writes some of his own stuff but sticks to covers for the most part. I digg it. Here are two of his most recent.








Party on Saturday. Hit me up for details. Happy Birthday to April babies.

102. For my jlog.

I've blogged about this before. How the letter J is quite possibly the funniest and most entertaining letter in the entire alphabet. Taylor and I live in the same house. Why we chose to have an instant messenger conversation about it is beyond me. She was in her room and I was in mine. We were both rolling...rolling. This conversation has absolutely no meaning. If you understand us..you'll understand this. I truly believe we gave a shout out to the entire world in this 25 minute convo. Check it out.

---------------------- 11:09 pm ----------------------
ay tay tayy: jabrina
asoulfoolwonder: Baaaaahahaha
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: Ahhhhhhhh
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahahhaha
ay tay tayy: Hhahahahahahahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: =]
asoulfoolwonder: Dang
asoulfoolwonder: Made my night
ay tay tayy: Mhmm made you laught
ay tay tayy: *laugh
asoulfoolwonder: =]
ay tay tayy: Goood (:
ay tay tayy: Jaitlynn
ay tay tayy: jooper
asoulfoolwonder: Yetti
asoulfoolwonder: Jetti
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: Jaureen. Janne. Jynne. Jue.....
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahaahahahahahhahah
asoulfoolwonder: Jue
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahahah
ay tay tayy: Jike
ay tay tayy: Jani
ay tay tayy: Jetti
---------------------- 11:14 pm ----------------------
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahhahahaha
ay tay tayy: Jue
asoulfoolwonder: Haahahahahha
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: =]
ay tay tayy: Jucker
ay tay tayy: Jarcie
ay tay tayy: Hahahhhahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: Jictor
ay tay tayy: (:
ay tay tayy: Haahahahahahahahhahhaha
asoulfoolwonder: Lol
ay tay tayy: Jameron
ay tay tayy: Jucy
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahaahahhaha
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahhaha
asoulfoolwonder: Jella
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahahahahahahahha
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahaha
ay tay tayy: Hahahhahaha
ay tay tayy: Jauer
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: Jate
asoulfoolwonder: Jelissa
asoulfoolwonder: Jan
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahahahahahahha
ay tay tayy: Jandy
ay tay tayy: Jashley
asoulfoolwonder: Haahhahahahahhahaha
ay tay tayy: Jaylor
asoulfoolwonder: Jike
asoulfoolwonder: Jacy
ay tay tayy: Jetti and jike and jue are still my faves
asoulfoolwonder: Jue
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahaahhaha faaav
asoulfoolwonder: Jabrina is all time number one
ay tay tayy: Hahaaha
ay tay tayy: Oh forsuuure
ay tay tayy: Jonner
ay tay tayy: Jemma
ay tay tayy: Jatie
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahha
asoulfoolwonder: Jelly
ay tay tayy: Jelly
asoulfoolwonder: !!!!!!
asoulfoolwonder: Hahaahhahahahahahhaahhahahahhahaha
ay tay tayy: Hahahhaa
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaa
ay tay tayy: Hhahaha
ay tay tayy: (:
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahha oh wow
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahhahahahaha
ay tay tayy: Jaterina
ay tay tayy: Jelen
asoulfoolwonder: Jaul and jris
asoulfoolwonder: Jichelle...jrianna...jalexis.....jophia....
ay tay tayy: Hahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
ay tay tayy: Jlake
ay tay tayy: Jashley
ay tay tayy: Jenny
ay tay tayy: Jue
ay tay tayy: Hahahhaahahahahha
ay tay tayy: Jaron
ay tay tayy: Joug
ay tay tayy: Jannah
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahha
asoulfoolwonder: Jue
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahah
asoulfoolwonder: Jailey
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
ay tay tayy: Hahahahhahahaahahha
ay tay tayy: Jemily jarah jartha
ay tay tayy: Jargarita
ay tay tayy: Hahahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahhahahahahahhaahhahahahahahhahha
ay tay tayy: Ohboooy
ay tay tayy: Hahahaha jailey
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahahahahahah
ay tay tayy: Jabrina tho
asoulfoolwonder: jabrina.
ay tay tayy: Phew
---------------------- 11:24 pm ----------------------
asoulfoolwonder: Gah..
ay tay tayy: The best
asoulfoolwonder: Ever
ay tay tayy: Jabrina
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahaha
ay tay tayy: Ahahhaahha
ay tay tayy: Oh wow I'm hella laughing over here
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahaha we just had a conversation strickly saying j
names
asoulfoolwonder: Hella long
asoulfoolwonder: Oh wow
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahhahahahha I'm dying
ay tay tayy: send this to yourself
ay tay tayy: Fo yaa jog
ay tay tayy: *jlog
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahhahahhaha omg yes my jlog
ay tay tayy: Hhahahahhahaahahhahaha
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahahahhahahahaahha
ay tay tayy: haha kaay well ima sleep now. Jood jight
asoulfoolwonder: Haha jood jight jaylor
asoulfoolwonder: Jove jou
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahaha
asoulfoolwonder: =]
ay tay tayy: Ily jish
asoulfoolwonder: Hahahhahahahahahhahahaaah
ay tay tayy: (:
asoulfoolwonder: =]
ay tay tayy: Jyye
asoulfoolwonder: Jater
ay tay tayy: Hahahahahahahahhaa
ay tay tayy: (:
ay tay tayy: Jyye
ay tay tayy: Jeace
asoulfoolwonder: Hahaahhahahahahah
asoulfoolwonder: Jasta



=] haha have a good end of the week everybody.

101. Hard names equal cool children.

I like this better than the actual song. I usually digg acoustic versions of anything over the real thing.

My birthday is in 19 days. I shall turn 20 that day. I'm pretty excited. I'm having a party for it next weekend to celebrate though. Its kind of a combo birthday party. We are celebrating my birthday, kaits birthday (given), audreys 19th, and dani fresh's 21st. Its great that we all have april birthdays. And close too. Makes for an easy way to celebrate. I remember growing up in elementary school and april was always the month with the most birthdays. Literally I was born only a few days before or after everyone else. It was cool. The whole month I had snack for recess. That makes no sense to you buuut...it was awesome.

Speaking of old times, my dad and I were watching TV last night and this thing came on channel 2 talking about 50 years of excellence or something. The commercial segment was talking about shows that they had done for kids. The show advertised was romper room. I was confused until I saw miss ruby on the tv holding her magic mirror. Tell me someone out there knows exactly what I'm talking about. She used to sit on these steps and look through that mirror and at the end of the show she'd say hello to random kids "and before i leave i'd like to say hello to my friends johnny, sammy, billy". She would say ashley a lot. She never said kaitlynn. My dad says they gave her the hard name. They searched high and low for keychains and bicycle plate frames with the name "kaitlynn"....hmmm good one parentials. Poor kait. It's okay kaitlynn...you're the favorite regardless of the double N's at the end of your name making it virtually impossible to find anything that represents it.



I played hookie today. Aaaand now its time to enjoy the sun. =]

100. Growth wins.

In the battle between a pull back and a future...the future will win.

Stop fighting.

And I believe that's a true anthem to myself. As I run up this hill I catch myself looking back down just to make sure I have followers...just making sure I remember their faces. And they aren't faces. They are blurs. They are shapes, they are memories that I try too hard to rub my clean fingers over to erase the smudge marks. It doesn't work. Clarity that once was is no longer. I have no control over the pace of the days and the length and strength of my developed mind.

Art. Art is a sanctuary that I can run into and bounce back on a bed of pillows. Words surround my head and move down through my fingertips for curious minds to ponder. Some show their faces...others never will. That is okay because art has no bounderies. Art has no expectations. It is self taught, and art is self evaluated. Writing is a piece of me...to gather peace in me. Long forgotten of the words are the small minds of today. I wish to move strong throughout the quickness of days with insightfulness of mornings, noons, and nights.

Education. Im furthering my mind with books. And I am proud to say that I am finally making moves with dignity. Hard work equals success. That's the least of it; that's the most of it. I have learned most of what I have gathered in these past two college years soley from experience. A classroom helps, professers help, homework helps. Yes I said it. Learning can be wonderful.

Family and Friends. I have formers and I have expectations. I can be so selfish of people that I desire because it is out of love. My family is a tight knit bond of blood that can never be torn away. I am faithful. As faithful as someone can get on one side. It does take two to tango, and as much as I hate saying it...out of sight...out of mind.

Love. Complicated at its best and not thought of when it should be. I am currently not in love. I am currently involved; however. Not as though inquiring minds are restless, but it's finally nice to say it out loud. Involvement does not automatically equal love. This is a growing process. Im not even sure that this involvement will ever turn into love. This might be a process of making me feel as though at least one thing is constant until I choose otherwise. Love exists in me; however. I know I am fully capable of holding such a feeling. For when they bring it up butterflies erupt in the pit of my stomach as though I have just been enlightened. This has to do with the word...not the person. And that is quite alright with me and them. I am ever thankful that the word still gives me that feeling. Hope coincides with my love feelings. I've had the feeling few times before...when it comes back. I shall know.

Life. Fast. Exciting. Hectic. Painful. Open. Free. Desire. Passion. Money. Speech. Smiles.




Balance.




100 posts. check.