This is simple, really.
- I just don't want to get hurt. We all get hurt. Everytime. I will get hurt. That is inevitable.
But I'd like to think I have control over whether or not someone else hurts me.
Dear Ashley, you don't.
But I'd like to think that way, anyways. Dont squash that.
And I know what all you semi-dreamer-semi-romantics-semi-off the walls will say.
"Take that chance," but I refuse. I refuse because I don't trust that easily anymore, and I don't pardon wrongs like dealers deal out cards. I hold grudges. I hold them for a long time because I can't help but defend myself from second timers. Second timers aren't fair because they tend to hit already bruised spots. They already know what the rough spots are. Like my heart.
And then my heart heals and I calmly sit down with it and just..chat..
Show me what this is. What this can be before I quietly run away, pocketing this change instead of the change you've managed to grant my eyes with: some sort of fearful amusement of a feeling. And I'd like to redefine this feeling, remove it from the universal jargon I once spoke fluently, but I stutter sometimes and sometimes is always enough to fail. I wish to not fail you --- but I might.
Pieces of me expand and contract daily depending on the company. Feeling like a solid, a liquid, and a gas all in the same room. I'm invisible to some, well known to others, and a secret to a select few. Who knew that Ashley was so many people wrapped up into one silly mess of a girl. I treck on.
Brilliance makes billions. Be rich.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
064. Get a helmet.
swear this is my girrrrrl. vocals vocals get off.
life is hard. people that i need aren't around. and im not around. life is hard.
Monday, January 28, 2008
063. And it goes a little something liiike...
you make me feel like
a natural wo.man
and i stand under the clouds
tryna catch you if i can.
and if that goes as planned
then safely you should land
and we will hold hands...and dance
to the beat drums of our heart.
we should never be apart,
i pray the music never finish
from the start, on your mark
get ready, set, zoom.
as i race to the finish line.
better yet the top
cause we so far from rock bottom.
bottom line.
yaaat.
=] level with meee.
a natural wo.man
and i stand under the clouds
tryna catch you if i can.
and if that goes as planned
then safely you should land
and we will hold hands...and dance
to the beat drums of our heart.
we should never be apart,
i pray the music never finish
from the start, on your mark
get ready, set, zoom.
as i race to the finish line.
better yet the top
cause we so far from rock bottom.
bottom line.
yaaat.
=] level with meee.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
062. Happy bir bir birrrthday.
To my moms.
Its her day of birth, today. How exciting right? I love birthdays. It's a reason to sing and a reason to celebrate and lets be honest, who doesn't love those two things combined? I tell people shes turning 25. Her kindergarten student drew her a card and put a tombstone on the front. Hahaha kids are funny as hell. She laughed about that one too. Shes not as old as a tombstone...haardly. Happy 25th birthday mom. Love you.
Playlist:
1. Damaged - Danity Kane.
2. I run this - Birdman ft Lil Wayyyne.
3. Bed remix - J. Holiday ft Trey Songz.
4. I cant wait remix - Trey Songz ft Lil Wayne.
5. Fatal - J. Holiday.
6. The look - Ryan Tedder.
7. PMW - Lil Wayne.
Kinda a whack playlist. Jus the songs going through my car right now. Ha.
Oh yes I love her like egyptian, want a description?
Her body sickening i could be her prescription, i could be her physician,
sexual healing...i could be her religion,and now she kneeling prayin to the ceiling.
i bless her as if she sneeze, must be the weather.
i dress her i am her sleeves i am her feathers.
she fly, fly.er than you, fly.er than me.
i love her...she love me too, i love her three times more than her mom,
time will tell that i am that nigga that she should, we should be wherever she wanna be on a late night mid day, A.M just say when
and i know i be with cavemen but never mind them shes poison,
and i am micheal griffin see i know that yall don hear me but she does, we does
what grown folks do when they have to much to drink and i think we done had to much to drink and yes i love her like...
aahah. dope.
Its her day of birth, today. How exciting right? I love birthdays. It's a reason to sing and a reason to celebrate and lets be honest, who doesn't love those two things combined? I tell people shes turning 25. Her kindergarten student drew her a card and put a tombstone on the front. Hahaha kids are funny as hell. She laughed about that one too. Shes not as old as a tombstone...haardly. Happy 25th birthday mom. Love you.
Playlist:
1. Damaged - Danity Kane.
2. I run this - Birdman ft Lil Wayyyne.
3. Bed remix - J. Holiday ft Trey Songz.
4. I cant wait remix - Trey Songz ft Lil Wayne.
5. Fatal - J. Holiday.
6. The look - Ryan Tedder.
7. PMW - Lil Wayne.
Kinda a whack playlist. Jus the songs going through my car right now. Ha.
Oh yes I love her like egyptian, want a description?
Her body sickening i could be her prescription, i could be her physician,
sexual healing...i could be her religion,and now she kneeling prayin to the ceiling.
i bless her as if she sneeze, must be the weather.
i dress her i am her sleeves i am her feathers.
she fly, fly.er than you, fly.er than me.
i love her...she love me too, i love her three times more than her mom,
time will tell that i am that nigga that she should, we should be wherever she wanna be on a late night mid day, A.M just say when
and i know i be with cavemen but never mind them shes poison,
and i am micheal griffin see i know that yall don hear me but she does, we does
what grown folks do when they have to much to drink and i think we done had to much to drink and yes i love her like...
aahah. dope.
Friday, January 25, 2008
061. Instead.
I've been doing a lot of "insteads" lately.
...instead of eating.
...instead of doing homework.
...instead of dwelling.
...instead of sleeping.
I happen to indulge in other things. Other beautiful things in life that I have never quite seen before. And if I have seen those things, they did not look the same as they do now.
I now own the strength of today, the empowerment of yesterday, and the anticipation of tomorrow.
Therefore, instead of doing a friday playlist...I found this.
Maybe a playlist will come about tomorrow. I'm not too sure. I'm making my own music these passing days. I'm thoroughly enjoying every second of it.
...instead of eating.
...instead of doing homework.
...instead of dwelling.
...instead of sleeping.
I happen to indulge in other things. Other beautiful things in life that I have never quite seen before. And if I have seen those things, they did not look the same as they do now.
I now own the strength of today, the empowerment of yesterday, and the anticipation of tomorrow.
Therefore, instead of doing a friday playlist...I found this.
Maybe a playlist will come about tomorrow. I'm not too sure. I'm making my own music these passing days. I'm thoroughly enjoying every second of it.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
060. Puzzle pieces.
People are in your life for reasons.
People are in your life for seasons.
Often times...both of these statements hold true with the same person.
I find life to be becoming more and more like a puzzle. I'm handed pieces slowly...and its taking me forever to put them in just the right places. I'm not talking about a puzzle that has 12 big pieces to it. I'm speaking on those 1000 piece puzzles with the tree backgrounds. The kind that my grandpa spends hours frustrated over because the entire green backdrop looks exactly the same. Its a wild analogy...run with it.
I also believe that possibly the reasons people come into our lives might not be to stay...but to teach us something. While teaching us something, they leave us with a piece of themselves. There are often times that they lead us to different people. I believe this can be networking at its greatest art form. The collaboration of people finding people and learning what it means to have found someone so special. It may take a while before it all makes sense, but that is the fun of the journey. If something starts to soon, and ends too abruptly...where is the ride? Key elements include the start and the middle. The end is the end and one can take it or leave it. Most choose not to remember it because goodbye is one of the hardest words in the english language.
Motto for today: Head up, heart strong.
"she fly. fly.er than you. fly.er than me.
leave her to me and she'll be smiling every single time you see her
from ear...to eaaar."
People are in your life for seasons.
Often times...both of these statements hold true with the same person.
I find life to be becoming more and more like a puzzle. I'm handed pieces slowly...and its taking me forever to put them in just the right places. I'm not talking about a puzzle that has 12 big pieces to it. I'm speaking on those 1000 piece puzzles with the tree backgrounds. The kind that my grandpa spends hours frustrated over because the entire green backdrop looks exactly the same. Its a wild analogy...run with it.
I also believe that possibly the reasons people come into our lives might not be to stay...but to teach us something. While teaching us something, they leave us with a piece of themselves. There are often times that they lead us to different people. I believe this can be networking at its greatest art form. The collaboration of people finding people and learning what it means to have found someone so special. It may take a while before it all makes sense, but that is the fun of the journey. If something starts to soon, and ends too abruptly...where is the ride? Key elements include the start and the middle. The end is the end and one can take it or leave it. Most choose not to remember it because goodbye is one of the hardest words in the english language.
Motto for today: Head up, heart strong.
"she fly. fly.er than you. fly.er than me.
leave her to me and she'll be smiling every single time you see her
from ear...to eaaar."
Monday, January 21, 2008
059. One of my favorite days...is today.
History is an amazing thing. People in history are even more amazing. MLK is one of my all time favorite people. The way he fused life and freedom and equality together. He changed the way the past was run which lead to the present ultimately leading to the future.
Happy late birthday Dr. King, you are truly the embodiment of an American Hero.
Happy late birthday Dr. King, you are truly the embodiment of an American Hero.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
058. I like bands.
Last night I went to watch Darcies dad's band play. I hadn't seen them since our houseboating trip. I was pretty excited. It was a good time. Downtown Pleasanton is a dope place to be. Usually it's crackin but it was pretty tame for a Saturday night. I had missed darcie and dani. It was gooood to see them.
I want new shoes. Vans maybe. Probably on the next paycheck. Or some new air maxes.
I want new shoes. Vans maybe. Probably on the next paycheck. Or some new air maxes.
Friday, January 18, 2008
057. Week one is officially over.
As is the rest of my free time.
It's going to be one looooong semester. And yet, so worth it in the end.
It's friday. It's tradition. Heeeere we go.
1. Maneater Remix - Nelly Furtado ft Lil Wayne.
2. Daylight - Aesop Rock.
3. Human Nature - SVW & Michael Jackson.
4. It's Whateva - Traxamillion ft The Team.
5. All the Girls Say - The Jacka.
6. I'm Me - Weezy.
7. Wanna Be Startin Something (remake) - Akon.
8. Shawty Get Loose - Lil Mama ft Chris Brown and T-Pain.
9. A Day by Atmosphere - Nujabes.
10. Say - John Mayer.
Life is becoming more of a puzzle. I'm no good at puzzles. But that doesn't mean that they aren't fun. Some boy in class last night came over to me, looked at me, and told me that I'm the reason that humanity is failing.
I shared angry words with him and left him with "at least I'm cute". I wasn't about to explain to him that I was much more intelligent than he will ever be. I left him with a bit of class. He didn't deserve an arguement from me. He was just being a male who enjoys the sound of his own voice because his parents don't give him enough attention in the home.
Stay Beautiful.
It's going to be one looooong semester. And yet, so worth it in the end.
It's friday. It's tradition. Heeeere we go.
1. Maneater Remix - Nelly Furtado ft Lil Wayne.
2. Daylight - Aesop Rock.
3. Human Nature - SVW & Michael Jackson.
4. It's Whateva - Traxamillion ft The Team.
5. All the Girls Say - The Jacka.
6. I'm Me - Weezy.
7. Wanna Be Startin Something (remake) - Akon.
8. Shawty Get Loose - Lil Mama ft Chris Brown and T-Pain.
9. A Day by Atmosphere - Nujabes.
10. Say - John Mayer.
Life is becoming more of a puzzle. I'm no good at puzzles. But that doesn't mean that they aren't fun. Some boy in class last night came over to me, looked at me, and told me that I'm the reason that humanity is failing.
I shared angry words with him and left him with "at least I'm cute". I wasn't about to explain to him that I was much more intelligent than he will ever be. I left him with a bit of class. He didn't deserve an arguement from me. He was just being a male who enjoys the sound of his own voice because his parents don't give him enough attention in the home.
Stay Beautiful.
Monday, January 14, 2008
056. Carpenters said it best.
=].
If you know this song...10 points.
"Why do stars fall down from the sky
Everytime you walk by?
Just like me they long to be
Close to you."
Sunday, January 13, 2008
055. Life has moved.
If someone were to ask me if I pictured myself here a year ago, the answer would be a quick no. The quick no would be followed by a long silence. A silence from me not knowing how to answer the question further. I only answer that question for myself.
A year ago, if someone asked me where I thought I would be, I'd have absolutely no words. I would obviously imagine myself still playing softball, still taking slow classes, still lost. However life and its ways have moved me along as if a tiny leaf in a wind storm. I flail about not knowing what's next. This storm has finally ceased and I am in a calm of reality. Life has not gotten easier. It has, in fact, become much more difficult in my persuit to find "Ashley" again; whatever that means. I no longer have that slippery grip on my handlebars and if all goes smoothly, (I say this with little confidence because of past circumstances) I am on a straight and narrow for what lies ahead. Tomorrow I start what should hopefully be my last full semester at DVC. This excites me and scares me all at the same time. I've been able to trudge along with my classes making GE units disappear and my smile reappear. I've become more confident in telling people that I have figured out what I want to do after DVC and what I will be trying to accomplish in the near future.
I have little contact with old friends. I have little contact with sonoma state. I have little contact with the 2006-2007 year. As I see it...I've lived through it...and taken about as much as I could possibly take out of it. The start of 08 has put me n a place of comfort. I'm excited for what is to come. Its going to fly by. It's going to pass over and I must remember not to let it pass ME over. I am in control of my days, my weeks, my months, my life.
Im no longer just holding on for the ride. I'm conducting the entire process of progress.
A year ago, if someone asked me where I thought I would be, I'd have absolutely no words. I would obviously imagine myself still playing softball, still taking slow classes, still lost. However life and its ways have moved me along as if a tiny leaf in a wind storm. I flail about not knowing what's next. This storm has finally ceased and I am in a calm of reality. Life has not gotten easier. It has, in fact, become much more difficult in my persuit to find "Ashley" again; whatever that means. I no longer have that slippery grip on my handlebars and if all goes smoothly, (I say this with little confidence because of past circumstances) I am on a straight and narrow for what lies ahead. Tomorrow I start what should hopefully be my last full semester at DVC. This excites me and scares me all at the same time. I've been able to trudge along with my classes making GE units disappear and my smile reappear. I've become more confident in telling people that I have figured out what I want to do after DVC and what I will be trying to accomplish in the near future.
I have little contact with old friends. I have little contact with sonoma state. I have little contact with the 2006-2007 year. As I see it...I've lived through it...and taken about as much as I could possibly take out of it. The start of 08 has put me n a place of comfort. I'm excited for what is to come. Its going to fly by. It's going to pass over and I must remember not to let it pass ME over. I am in control of my days, my weeks, my months, my life.
Im no longer just holding on for the ride. I'm conducting the entire process of progress.
Friday, January 11, 2008
054. Why you stressssin, b?
I use the word "b" a ton lately. Yes, I consider that a word. Its short for brother. It can be short for a lot of things though. I doubt I should be using that as a typical everyday phrase for myself in referring to others...oh well.
School starts monday. I'm ready...I'm ready...I'm nervous. I've got all my classes ready and paid for. Last semester I got super lucky and only had to walk short distances to and from my classes. This semester I am everywhere. When I say everywhere...I mean everywhere. Uphill, downhill, by the pond, by the library, by the stairs. Maybe I did that on purpose. You cant catch me...it's alllll in the plan mannnn.
Ever notice how some people just don't stick out? There are always going to be those people that constantly pop up into your mind. Maybe I'd think about what they are doing...how they are doing...if I ever cross their mind. Now before I start sounding like a sappy brian mcnight song I'll make my point. On the other side of the spectrum, there are those folks that rarely cross your mind. You dont hit them and when they hit you...you squint your eyes real tight and remember that ohh wow...they are around. Its not mean...its human. Humans pick and choose who they remember. Its kind of like...make an impact or be lost among the rest. I heard this cool quote the other day it said "dont get lost among the shuffle...shuffle among the lost". Neat right? I'd rather be lost but on my way to somewhere then be totally and completely forgotten. I wish I could remember everyone. I'd be lying if I say I do. I too forget many people who don't hit me often. I can't blame them though; sometimes MIA can be my first, middle, and last name.
Playlist:
1. My love is the shhhh - SFP.
2. Alright - Chioke Dmachi.
3. Superstition - Stevie Wonder.
4. Something special - JC.
5. Lighthouse - Hope.
6. Broken - Lifehouse.
7. Silly girl - Murs.
8. I want you back - Jackson 5.
9. Sexy can I - Ray J.
10. Wanna be starting something - Michael Jackson.
11. And the beat goes on - The Whispers.
Listen to this. I laughed the entire time. I feeeel this dude.
A little Jackson 5 for your friday.
get down, get down, get dowwwwn. =]
School starts monday. I'm ready...I'm ready...I'm nervous. I've got all my classes ready and paid for. Last semester I got super lucky and only had to walk short distances to and from my classes. This semester I am everywhere. When I say everywhere...I mean everywhere. Uphill, downhill, by the pond, by the library, by the stairs. Maybe I did that on purpose. You cant catch me...it's alllll in the plan mannnn.
Ever notice how some people just don't stick out? There are always going to be those people that constantly pop up into your mind. Maybe I'd think about what they are doing...how they are doing...if I ever cross their mind. Now before I start sounding like a sappy brian mcnight song I'll make my point. On the other side of the spectrum, there are those folks that rarely cross your mind. You dont hit them and when they hit you...you squint your eyes real tight and remember that ohh wow...they are around. Its not mean...its human. Humans pick and choose who they remember. Its kind of like...make an impact or be lost among the rest. I heard this cool quote the other day it said "dont get lost among the shuffle...shuffle among the lost". Neat right? I'd rather be lost but on my way to somewhere then be totally and completely forgotten. I wish I could remember everyone. I'd be lying if I say I do. I too forget many people who don't hit me often. I can't blame them though; sometimes MIA can be my first, middle, and last name.
Playlist:
1. My love is the shhhh - SFP.
2. Alright - Chioke Dmachi.
3. Superstition - Stevie Wonder.
4. Something special - JC.
5. Lighthouse - Hope.
6. Broken - Lifehouse.
7. Silly girl - Murs.
8. I want you back - Jackson 5.
9. Sexy can I - Ray J.
10. Wanna be starting something - Michael Jackson.
11. And the beat goes on - The Whispers.
Listen to this. I laughed the entire time. I feeeel this dude.
A little Jackson 5 for your friday.
get down, get down, get dowwwwn. =]
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
053. Lately...
Lately I like:
1. my bed. hobbit size and all
2. my diet. im going to win.
3. my bud.die. =]
4. darcie, kaitlynn, dani.
5. hot cheetos...still.
6. cooper. hes over his "i hate ashley" stage.
7. nba live.
8. jak and daxter.
9. cds that i make and get down to.
10. writing writing writing.
11. making money.
Lately I dislike:
1. waking up at 4 AM.
2. any liquid other than water.
3. wack, overplayed radio music.
4. arrogant souls.
5. raviolis. yes. still.
6. tony hawk underground. i only dislike it cause im bad at it...this week.
7. people who aren't nice.
whatchagunnado? more pros than cons. thats how life goes. its a rich rich life folks.
listen to this and tell me you aren't dancing. and if you aren't dancing...im dancing for the both of us..digg?
its a beautiful life.
1. my bed. hobbit size and all
2. my diet. im going to win.
3. my bud.die. =]
4. darcie, kaitlynn, dani.
5. hot cheetos...still.
6. cooper. hes over his "i hate ashley" stage.
7. nba live.
8. jak and daxter.
9. cds that i make and get down to.
10. writing writing writing.
11. making money.
Lately I dislike:
1. waking up at 4 AM.
2. any liquid other than water.
3. wack, overplayed radio music.
4. arrogant souls.
5. raviolis. yes. still.
6. tony hawk underground. i only dislike it cause im bad at it...this week.
7. people who aren't nice.
whatchagunnado? more pros than cons. thats how life goes. its a rich rich life folks.
listen to this and tell me you aren't dancing. and if you aren't dancing...im dancing for the both of us..digg?
its a beautiful life.
Monday, January 7, 2008
052. Happy Birthday Victor.
Today Victor is 20!!!
Victor is an amazing amazing person that I have found in my life. He does the most amazing things to keep me smiling daily without having to be right next to me. Soon enough he will be home for my birthday and I cant wait! For now...he's in my thoughts, prayers, and words. I miss youuuu Victor. Thank you for being such an amazing friend. I am lucky to have you in my life. Dub Strong.
Victor is an amazing amazing person that I have found in my life. He does the most amazing things to keep me smiling daily without having to be right next to me. Soon enough he will be home for my birthday and I cant wait! For now...he's in my thoughts, prayers, and words. I miss youuuu Victor. Thank you for being such an amazing friend. I am lucky to have you in my life. Dub Strong.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
051. What's better than a 2 person date?
A seven person date. Check it.
Yesterday was a good time. I saw national treasure 2 again for the second time. It gets better every time. Red Robin was a good time too. We are an indecisive bunch of folks however. It took us about an hour to figure out if we were crashing the parents date...and then a half hour to figure out a restaraunt. We took pics while waiting.
kaits cute.
i love darcie.
annnnnoyed.
finally..dinner. =]
life is good.
Even after all these years,
the Sun never says
to the Earth
"You owe Me."
Look what happens -
with a Love
like that,
It lights
the whole
sky.
- Hafiz
Yesterday was a good time. I saw national treasure 2 again for the second time. It gets better every time. Red Robin was a good time too. We are an indecisive bunch of folks however. It took us about an hour to figure out if we were crashing the parents date...and then a half hour to figure out a restaraunt. We took pics while waiting.
kaits cute.
i love darcie.
annnnnoyed.
finally..dinner. =]
life is good.
Even after all these years,
the Sun never says
to the Earth
"You owe Me."
Look what happens -
with a Love
like that,
It lights
the whole
sky.
- Hafiz
Friday, January 4, 2008
050. Profound pieces of me falling into another.
Kaitlynn is reading this book called "Eat, Pray, Love". Maybe you've heard of it. Oprah reccommended this book aaaand if you know me...you know I am soo down with Oprah. Kait is a good look out and brings over the book every time she has an "aha" moment. You know what that is? It's kinda like if something you read makes you think for longer than 5 seconds and your eyes squint reaaaal real tight like your brain is needing all of its energy to expand like a freshly blown balloon. Catchy riight? Hey, they dont call me the word doctor for no reason.
Here's a passage that makes me smile, think, and fall in love with the meaning. It's long...but worth it.
"I'm not laughing. I was actually crying. And please don't laugh at me now, but I believed David was my soul mate.
He probably was. Your problem is you don't undersand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal anothr layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you cant accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby- you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying o get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.
But I love him.
So love him.
But I miss him.
So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot- a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in- God will rush in- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.
But I wish me and David could-
He cuts me off. See, now that's your problem. You'e wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing yur wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."
Riiight? =]
I got a tv in my room. I'm excited for that. I moved my ps2 in there aaand for the next million days if you need me you can find me playing tony hawk or jack and daxter or kingdom hearts orrr other silly things.
Yesterday I was up for 25 hours. I woke up at 4 AM for work and went to sleep at 5 AM. It was a good day to live. Haha guess that means I should get some rest. I have work early again in the morning.
Friday Playlist:
1. Come here - J. Holiday.
2. Only God knows why - Kid Rock.
3. Hundred - The Fray.
4. Mr. Postman - Lil Wayne.
5. Comfortable - Babyface ft Weezy.
6. Skippin - Mario.
7. Sexy can I - Ray J.
8. Blackout - Lupe Fiasco.
Here's a passage that makes me smile, think, and fall in love with the meaning. It's long...but worth it.
"I'm not laughing. I was actually crying. And please don't laugh at me now, but I believed David was my soul mate.
He probably was. Your problem is you don't undersand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal anothr layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you cant accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby- you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying o get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.
But I love him.
So love him.
But I miss him.
So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot- a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in- God will rush in- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.
But I wish me and David could-
He cuts me off. See, now that's your problem. You'e wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing yur wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."
Riiight? =]
I got a tv in my room. I'm excited for that. I moved my ps2 in there aaand for the next million days if you need me you can find me playing tony hawk or jack and daxter or kingdom hearts orrr other silly things.
Yesterday I was up for 25 hours. I woke up at 4 AM for work and went to sleep at 5 AM. It was a good day to live. Haha guess that means I should get some rest. I have work early again in the morning.
Friday Playlist:
1. Come here - J. Holiday.
2. Only God knows why - Kid Rock.
3. Hundred - The Fray.
4. Mr. Postman - Lil Wayne.
5. Comfortable - Babyface ft Weezy.
6. Skippin - Mario.
7. Sexy can I - Ray J.
8. Blackout - Lupe Fiasco.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
049. Happy 2008.
As 2007 came to a close I realized many many things. I truly believe that I have grown the most in 2007 in comparison to any other years. I know that is not saying much considering that one does not change dramatically until a bit older; however, 2007 was a rocky, bumpy, exciting road that I danced upon. I'm thankful I saw it happen. Yes..saw. 2007 is at a close and I have 2008 at my fingertips. I love new years. I love a brand new start and brand new ideas. Each year people grow. Growing can be closer, apart, taller, skinnier, larger...you get the idea. Growth is an unavoidable subject in life. It comes and goes without one even knowing it is occuring at times. Life moves fast. I keep up in a positive way. Dance with me in 2008. To wrap it up...heres many important things I learned in 2007:
1. Transfering schools a few times does not mean I'm indecisive; I'm exploring my options.
2. Writing is a passion. Speaking comes in at a close second.
3. I enjoy cheeto hot fries...more than you do.
4. Having two phones does not make you cooler than everyone else. It makes you more inconvenienced...aaand a tiiiny bit cooler..maybe.
5. I am a music genius. A real live jukebox if you will.
6. I have found my best friends. Finally I have found some of the most genuine people on the planet who enjoy me for me.
7. I have also found that life throws me curveballs more than most people. Good thing I know how to hit.
8. I am through with dating for a long time. I need to get my life together before I add an attatchment to the list.
9. We live in a society that is hard to keep an actual word. I hold no respect for those who have broken their word with me. I do hurt, despite my lack of outside emotions.
10. I have the best family in the world. I am finally realizing how truly lucky I am to have been blessed with amazing parents, sisters, and extended relatives.
11. Living in the present is so much better than the past or future. Buddhism anyone?
12. I make a lot of mistakes. I like that I make a lot of mistakes. It shows I'm human, I have faults, and that I can grow with each and every fault I hold.
13. I've gotten my car towed many times in 2007. I'm not sure why. Those tow truck guys sure do like to halla at a girl though.
14. I've fallen in love with soul, jazz, and old school funk. When hip hop was hip hop and nothing more than powerful words and beats that grabbed you by the ears and made you listen.
15. Theres a fine line between being a mouthpiece and meaning what you say. I have yet to find the line.
16. I was able to spend new years eve with the greatest people on the planet. My people. People who have been there..and will continue to stay there. There was no other way I would have liked to bring in 2008.
I want to thank everyone for reading my blog. As I've said before, it means the world to me that you put your eyes where my heart and mind goes. I have fun putting this little thing together and I hope you guys enjoy reading it. 2008 is going to be wonderful. The glass will always be half full for me. Days are beautiful. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay thankful.
aaaand...because he gets all sappy.
1. Transfering schools a few times does not mean I'm indecisive; I'm exploring my options.
2. Writing is a passion. Speaking comes in at a close second.
3. I enjoy cheeto hot fries...more than you do.
4. Having two phones does not make you cooler than everyone else. It makes you more inconvenienced...aaand a tiiiny bit cooler..maybe.
5. I am a music genius. A real live jukebox if you will.
6. I have found my best friends. Finally I have found some of the most genuine people on the planet who enjoy me for me.
7. I have also found that life throws me curveballs more than most people. Good thing I know how to hit.
8. I am through with dating for a long time. I need to get my life together before I add an attatchment to the list.
9. We live in a society that is hard to keep an actual word. I hold no respect for those who have broken their word with me. I do hurt, despite my lack of outside emotions.
10. I have the best family in the world. I am finally realizing how truly lucky I am to have been blessed with amazing parents, sisters, and extended relatives.
11. Living in the present is so much better than the past or future. Buddhism anyone?
12. I make a lot of mistakes. I like that I make a lot of mistakes. It shows I'm human, I have faults, and that I can grow with each and every fault I hold.
13. I've gotten my car towed many times in 2007. I'm not sure why. Those tow truck guys sure do like to halla at a girl though.
14. I've fallen in love with soul, jazz, and old school funk. When hip hop was hip hop and nothing more than powerful words and beats that grabbed you by the ears and made you listen.
15. Theres a fine line between being a mouthpiece and meaning what you say. I have yet to find the line.
16. I was able to spend new years eve with the greatest people on the planet. My people. People who have been there..and will continue to stay there. There was no other way I would have liked to bring in 2008.
I want to thank everyone for reading my blog. As I've said before, it means the world to me that you put your eyes where my heart and mind goes. I have fun putting this little thing together and I hope you guys enjoy reading it. 2008 is going to be wonderful. The glass will always be half full for me. Days are beautiful. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay thankful.
aaaand...because he gets all sappy.
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