As the year comes to a close this week...I've decided to recap a little bit. Not recap by paragraphs and stories. I don't have time to regale you with all of it. Besides...I'm a list person and you seem to digg lists much better anyways.
Fav Movies I saw in 08-
*Bella
*Dark Knight
*Wanted
*Horton Hears a Who
*Kung Fu Panda
*Iron Man
*House Bunny
*Sex Drive
Best Albums of 08-
*Taylor Swift
*Lil Wayne
*Gym Class Heroes
*Britney Spears
*Fall Out Boy
*John Legend
Shoes of 08-
*Vans
-lace ups
-half cabs
Best Songs of 08 (take it for what it is, i could go on for days)-
*Brooklyn Girls - Charles Hamilton.
*Acapella - Brandy.
*Heart Songs - Weezer.
*Whether or Not - Gabe Bondoc.
*This Boy - James Morrison.
*Lollipop - Lil Wayne (yaya..you sang it too)
*Waledance - Wale.
Breakout artists of 08-
*Lil Wayne
*Katy Perry
*Keri Hilson
*The Dream
Unsung Band of 08-
*Hey Monday (mark my words...09..everyone will sing them and i'll sit back and call them old school. ;)..)
Poets of 08-
*Buddy Wakefield
*Andrea Gibson
*Shihan
Man of 08...09...and beyond...
*Barack Obama
To wrap it up...90% of music this year was whack. All of it sounded the same, talkboxes were and are everyone's favorite new singing method, and if it wasn't one or the other...lil wayne was in the song using the talkbox voice instead of rapping. Go figure. Movies did major breakthroughs as far as story lines, plots, actors...yadayada. Vans stayed current and I grew out of my jordan phase. Poets became people I trusted...ironic. And finally...I stood up and became a proud proud American for the very first time in 20 years.
This year was wonderful. As is any year. One year older, one year wiser. I'm looking forward to 09 just as much as I was looking forward to 08. Lil Wayne will still be everyone's guy...but maybe I'll become everyone's girl. I'm going to say that Eminem is going to make a return and it might be huge. Kanye will put out another album that people will complain about but still buy and listen to. I will move out (ohhhh dream big girl wonder). My diploma will become more of a reality. I will fight, I will love, and I will grow. Each passing day is something to reflect upon and use for the following hours, days, months...year.
I will ring in the new year with people who mean the absolute world to me. What a good place to be. What a cool life to live.
Thanks everyone for reading another year of this thing. Like I always say...and you can probably say it with me by this time around....it means everything to me that you put your eyes where my heart, mind, and soul has been.
Love the life you live, and live the life you love.
peace, blessings, and continual growth for the new year...
GW
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
196. Best Christmas Present You'll Get....
You're Welcome. =]
Love,
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore....oh wait...Ashley, Kaitlynn, and Taylor
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
195. Just about a week...
Christmas is coming so faaast. I've been enjoying every single minute of the coming holiday though, I must say.
I can't even apologize for not being on this anymore. Because I'm not really sorry. I guess I've stopped writing about running and started to stop where I'm supposed to be. Just sayin. As if that made any sense at all.
Happiness is:
- Just about a week left until Christmas.
- Lights.
- Lights on houses.
- Lights on trees.
- Our big tree.
- Ornaments.
- Snow pictures from Jenny.
- New music.
- Christmas music.
- Tonsils shrinking.
- Keyshia Cole and her amazingness.
- Blackberry.
- Kaitlynn being home for 6 weeks.
- 3.8 GPA. =]
- Family time.
- Water.
- Hot cheetos even though I haven't had them since OCTOBER. I know..
- Peanut butter Captain Crunch.
- Sweats.
- My new slippers.
- Buying gifts for people.
- Buying gifts for those who need it.
- Christmas cards.
- Apple Fritters.
- Bumping into old friends.
- Books.
- New jeans.
- Green.
- Dani and my movie date.
- My big bed.
- Sleeping.
- Waking up smiling.
- Being thankful.
- Knowing they are proud of me..
- Laying in bed until 2.
- My iPod.
- B. Spears new cd.
- Having Taylor do impressions of Stass.
- Stass finding it funny.
- Cookie day.
- The Grinch.
- Ba hum bug.
- Kidding.
- Moccasins.
- Burts Bee's.
- Kaitlynn shopping with me.
- Taylor calling me Al.
- Candy Canes.
- New friends.
- Mid day texts..just because.
- Potatoes.
- Tim Tams. (look them up)
- iTunes.
- Burberry.
- Scarves.
- WWJD bracelet.
- Jenny coming for dinner.
- The Holiday.
- Sitting by the fire.
- Cloud 9.
- Enjoying where I am at.
- Looking forward to the new year.
- Tasha helping me each morning with a verse.
- Goodmorning phone calls.
- Vans.
- Dressing up.
- Dressing down.
- Victor coming back into town.
- Not being afraid of any clown.
- Making Jennys snow picture my background.
- Love makes the world go round.
- Goodafternoon phone calls.
- Chelsie Hightower. (you thought I forgot..)
- Getting a new Carrie Underwood poster.
- Cleaning my desk.
- Cleaning my room.
- Cleaning my car.
- Being clean.
- Showers.
- Soap.
- Perfume.
- Cologne..
- Good teeth.
- Goodnight phone calls.
- Fluff and stuffs.
- The biggest loser finale because the girl who won..was cute.
- My Grandma.
- My Grandpa.
- My Aunt getting here yesterday and staying for a long time.
- Cold weather.
- Funny people.
- Happy people.
- Saying Merry Christmas.
I have lots to be thankful for. I am blessed. I am overly blessed. I thank God every single day for what I have and what he has given me. It's my job to turn it into something that works and keeps working every single day. Remember that...if you are given the tools...it's your job to figure out how to use them. I hope everyone has been enjoying this season. It's kind of cool to see everyone so excited for something all at once. I vote we act this way all the time. Unrealistic? Maybe. But I believe that even more than that...we are excited that everyone else is excited. Kindness is contagious. Try it. It's a good look for everybody.
Peace and Blessings ya'll.
I can't even apologize for not being on this anymore. Because I'm not really sorry. I guess I've stopped writing about running and started to stop where I'm supposed to be. Just sayin. As if that made any sense at all.
Happiness is:
- Just about a week left until Christmas.
- Lights.
- Lights on houses.
- Lights on trees.
- Our big tree.
- Ornaments.
- Snow pictures from Jenny.
- New music.
- Christmas music.
- Tonsils shrinking.
- Keyshia Cole and her amazingness.
- Blackberry.
- Kaitlynn being home for 6 weeks.
- 3.8 GPA. =]
- Family time.
- Water.
- Hot cheetos even though I haven't had them since OCTOBER. I know..
- Peanut butter Captain Crunch.
- Sweats.
- My new slippers.
- Buying gifts for people.
- Buying gifts for those who need it.
- Christmas cards.
- Apple Fritters.
- Bumping into old friends.
- Books.
- New jeans.
- Green.
- Dani and my movie date.
- My big bed.
- Sleeping.
- Waking up smiling.
- Being thankful.
- Knowing they are proud of me..
- Laying in bed until 2.
- My iPod.
- B. Spears new cd.
- Having Taylor do impressions of Stass.
- Stass finding it funny.
- Cookie day.
- The Grinch.
- Ba hum bug.
- Kidding.
- Moccasins.
- Burts Bee's.
- Kaitlynn shopping with me.
- Taylor calling me Al.
- Candy Canes.
- New friends.
- Mid day texts..just because.
- Potatoes.
- Tim Tams. (look them up)
- iTunes.
- Burberry.
- Scarves.
- WWJD bracelet.
- Jenny coming for dinner.
- The Holiday.
- Sitting by the fire.
- Cloud 9.
- Enjoying where I am at.
- Looking forward to the new year.
- Tasha helping me each morning with a verse.
- Goodmorning phone calls.
- Vans.
- Dressing up.
- Dressing down.
- Victor coming back into town.
- Not being afraid of any clown.
- Making Jennys snow picture my background.
- Love makes the world go round.
- Goodafternoon phone calls.
- Chelsie Hightower. (you thought I forgot..)
- Getting a new Carrie Underwood poster.
- Cleaning my desk.
- Cleaning my room.
- Cleaning my car.
- Being clean.
- Showers.
- Soap.
- Perfume.
- Cologne..
- Good teeth.
- Goodnight phone calls.
- Fluff and stuffs.
- The biggest loser finale because the girl who won..was cute.
- My Grandma.
- My Grandpa.
- My Aunt getting here yesterday and staying for a long time.
- Cold weather.
- Funny people.
- Happy people.
- Saying Merry Christmas.
I have lots to be thankful for. I am blessed. I am overly blessed. I thank God every single day for what I have and what he has given me. It's my job to turn it into something that works and keeps working every single day. Remember that...if you are given the tools...it's your job to figure out how to use them. I hope everyone has been enjoying this season. It's kind of cool to see everyone so excited for something all at once. I vote we act this way all the time. Unrealistic? Maybe. But I believe that even more than that...we are excited that everyone else is excited. Kindness is contagious. Try it. It's a good look for everybody.
Peace and Blessings ya'll.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
194. Finals = Finished.
Soooo here comes my excited schpeal about how much I absolutely love Christmas...
Wait...on second thought...I'll just post something that I think is incredible.
This guy usually sings and writes all his own stuff. Super talented. This time he just did an instrumental and in keeping with the spirit...I thought I'd post it. He does both the piano and the sax in this video. Quite good...maybe he's the next Kenny G.
All he needs is my trumpet in there and we'd make it a hit. ;)
Wait...on second thought...I'll just post something that I think is incredible.
This guy usually sings and writes all his own stuff. Super talented. This time he just did an instrumental and in keeping with the spirit...I thought I'd post it. He does both the piano and the sax in this video. Quite good...maybe he's the next Kenny G.
All he needs is my trumpet in there and we'd make it a hit. ;)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
192. Word? Word.
I've been meaning to write you something, but my carefully, hand-stroked words get lost in the wonderment of your light eyes - and I become somewhat of a speechless wanderer, misplacing my thoughts before you. But before you even became a heart-kissed realization, your form enlightened me. This was times ago. Kicking up lust that must have been born amongst the months I cried for, for someone else's problem that so feverishly became my entanglement...but that was just initially. Because you now know we are a much deeper us, and I’d like to have it no other way than a few more thousand leagues under from what I see.
You see, you are a beautiful abstract obscurity, facing the sun like no other person can stand against the hot circle of light. You are lovely in something a bit brighter. You bring peace to the days that are dark simply from radiance.
And understand, this doesn't resemble a storybook.
It’s not you calling for me, it’s me falling for you while you make every precautionary effort to keep me safe from breaking.
It’s you showing a feeling, and me showing equivalence, and us singing an off tuned melody that represents it metaphorically.
And sometimes,
It’s – you telling me that writing is not your forte...and the lost words that drip from the back of your mind become somewhat of a forever-neverland. I must guess what thoughts pour from your soul. I'd have it no other way.
Now, I’m obviously not perfect, and even though your writing is not - I think you are – because faith tells me to say so and faith has brought me good things and, face it, you’re perfect proof that faith misleads not.
So tonight let me crown you with my whispers while you daze between a sleep and dream’s end. “I enjoy you”, I’ll say. Above you, I’ll sway my pendulum of a once broken but now bandaged, healing heart. Because in this simple slumber of you – I’ll swear in the silence you save me. And you’ll save me still because it’s written on the walls with your signature below, cocking your hands back and elbows tucked like Muhammad Al-cut a – fool – for hurting you. And trust – I will cut a fool for hurting you - myself included.
So...thanks - giving my eyes the sweep when wet, you've allowed my vision to refocus. And when storm clouds hover over my existence, expected, you blow a kiss like high winds over summits. And sometimes my heavy heart sprouts sharp edges, but you stay to chisel away the uneasy until calm, again, resembling a lighter version of the pitter patters that keep the rhythm of my body. "Home is where the heart is," they say, but the phrase's just as beautiful in reverse because I feel it, now. Beating chest not empty.
So thank you.
You see, you are a beautiful abstract obscurity, facing the sun like no other person can stand against the hot circle of light. You are lovely in something a bit brighter. You bring peace to the days that are dark simply from radiance.
And understand, this doesn't resemble a storybook.
It’s not you calling for me, it’s me falling for you while you make every precautionary effort to keep me safe from breaking.
It’s you showing a feeling, and me showing equivalence, and us singing an off tuned melody that represents it metaphorically.
And sometimes,
It’s – you telling me that writing is not your forte...and the lost words that drip from the back of your mind become somewhat of a forever-neverland. I must guess what thoughts pour from your soul. I'd have it no other way.
Now, I’m obviously not perfect, and even though your writing is not - I think you are – because faith tells me to say so and faith has brought me good things and, face it, you’re perfect proof that faith misleads not.
So tonight let me crown you with my whispers while you daze between a sleep and dream’s end. “I enjoy you”, I’ll say. Above you, I’ll sway my pendulum of a once broken but now bandaged, healing heart. Because in this simple slumber of you – I’ll swear in the silence you save me. And you’ll save me still because it’s written on the walls with your signature below, cocking your hands back and elbows tucked like Muhammad Al-cut a – fool – for hurting you. And trust – I will cut a fool for hurting you - myself included.
So...thanks - giving my eyes the sweep when wet, you've allowed my vision to refocus. And when storm clouds hover over my existence, expected, you blow a kiss like high winds over summits. And sometimes my heavy heart sprouts sharp edges, but you stay to chisel away the uneasy until calm, again, resembling a lighter version of the pitter patters that keep the rhythm of my body. "Home is where the heart is," they say, but the phrase's just as beautiful in reverse because I feel it, now. Beating chest not empty.
So thank you.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
191. A little bird told me...
that every person in the world is stressed this week. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that for students the semester/quarter is winding down. Projects are due, homework is handed in, tests are being prepared for, registration is being completed. Maybe it's the fact that for the work world we are in a recession...have been for a year now..and they are just announcing it. Maybe God is shakin' this place up for some unknown reason. I can digg it. He's allowed to do a little something like that. It's a test.
What I'm trying to say is...go with it. Don't go against it. Don't try and race it. Don't stay back and follow it. Move with it.
December has me feeling a bit different. Good different. Tis' the season I suppose. =]
I know this is short...again. Maybe it's becoming a pattern with these short little posts. I usually have oh so much to say and then I come on here and realize that I never really did have much to say.
Two things I never (I can't say never because I have written about it before) but...almost never write about on this blog are religion and politics. I steer clear because this is more of an unbiased place to get a good laugh or a little pick me up from my music or words or whatever you use it for. I've chosen not to make this my little high post to come and preach my feelings to a choir. That's not my place. However...I did make an exception a few weeks back in writing about Obama and I will make an exception with this blog- in the case of religion. All I will say is...
"Know God, Know Strength. No God, No Strength."
With this said...God can be whomever...or whatever you like. I leave that up to you. I'm using God as a figure to believe in. I believe in numerous things. My advice? believe in something. You'll get much further if you do.
My inspiration for a day like this...I hope you enjoy it as well.
Peace and Blessings ya'll.
What I'm trying to say is...go with it. Don't go against it. Don't try and race it. Don't stay back and follow it. Move with it.
December has me feeling a bit different. Good different. Tis' the season I suppose. =]
I know this is short...again. Maybe it's becoming a pattern with these short little posts. I usually have oh so much to say and then I come on here and realize that I never really did have much to say.
Two things I never (I can't say never because I have written about it before) but...almost never write about on this blog are religion and politics. I steer clear because this is more of an unbiased place to get a good laugh or a little pick me up from my music or words or whatever you use it for. I've chosen not to make this my little high post to come and preach my feelings to a choir. That's not my place. However...I did make an exception a few weeks back in writing about Obama and I will make an exception with this blog- in the case of religion. All I will say is...
"Know God, Know Strength. No God, No Strength."
With this said...God can be whomever...or whatever you like. I leave that up to you. I'm using God as a figure to believe in. I believe in numerous things. My advice? believe in something. You'll get much further if you do.
My inspiration for a day like this...I hope you enjoy it as well.
Peace and Blessings ya'll.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
189. Any day that starts with the word "happy"
means you have to act that way.
- my father
haha that was the quote of the day yesterday. It was a happy day yesterday...to say the very least. To say the very most I'd need more of a platform and a longer time period to write this blog in. Thanksgiving was a success. You all know how I feel about family...my family in particular, so I won't go into the sappiness of it all right now. It was a good day though. Found out the entire DeGrano clan will be together on Christmas. People flying from all over to meet at the mothership (grandmas house) and enjoy each other's company. That hasn't happened since I was...very very small. Should be one of the best Christmas' yet. Speaking of Christmas, anyone playing music yet? I'll get a few blogs up here with some playlists you can blast around in your room. Meanwhile, I suppose I haven't done one of theeeese in a while...here you go. Trying to tie in with all of the small things I'm thankful for.
Happiness is...
- sweaters.
- telling jokes to kaitlynn via telephone.
- rain when i can stay inside.
- lunches compliments of gma.
- the quarter dwindling down.
- having the highest grades ive had since...wow..
- playing the trumpet.
- listening to taylor play the piano.
- captain crunch.
- turkey and mashed potatoes.
- wine.
- watching kaitlynn take more wine...more wine...more wine..
- watching my mother watch kaitlynn take more wine...more wine...more wine..
- family.
- going to the movies.
- clean rooms.
- clean cars.
- clean houses.
- house slippers.
- cookies.
- mr pickles.
- having text convos with my dad.
- any pie.
- pumpkin pie.
- having only 2 finals out of 4 classes.
- being done with one of those classes already.
- driving.
- taylor swift.
- getting sent song lyrics in a text.
- gatorade.
- making a short christmas list.
- realizing im better with what i have right now.
- christmas music.
- finally being able to sing it.
- scarves.
- peasant because his hair is long.
- blackberry.
- green.
- grey.
- yellow.
- kaitlynn almost taking night time cold meds at 11 AM.
- chelsie hightower (you thought i forgot huh)
- writing a term paper on dani.
- burberry.
- sweats.
- sweatshirts.
- comfort.
- viva la vida.
- gabe bondoc.
- violin.
- taylor.
- getting to where i want to be.
- not shopping on black friday.
- shopping...tomorrow.
- money in the bank.
- shawty whatchu drank?
- seeing leaves on lawns.
- san ramon during the holidays.
- movie night tonight.
- old navy.
- good books.
- good looks.
- pictures that i took.
- someone stealing my heart like a crook.
- keeping it safe in a nook.
- getting excited like someone took me and just...shook.
- hallaaaaa word surgeon.
- days escalating.
=] peace and blessings ya'll...count yours...you've got many.
- my father
haha that was the quote of the day yesterday. It was a happy day yesterday...to say the very least. To say the very most I'd need more of a platform and a longer time period to write this blog in. Thanksgiving was a success. You all know how I feel about family...my family in particular, so I won't go into the sappiness of it all right now. It was a good day though. Found out the entire DeGrano clan will be together on Christmas. People flying from all over to meet at the mothership (grandmas house) and enjoy each other's company. That hasn't happened since I was...very very small. Should be one of the best Christmas' yet. Speaking of Christmas, anyone playing music yet? I'll get a few blogs up here with some playlists you can blast around in your room. Meanwhile, I suppose I haven't done one of theeeese in a while...here you go. Trying to tie in with all of the small things I'm thankful for.
Happiness is...
- sweaters.
- telling jokes to kaitlynn via telephone.
- rain when i can stay inside.
- lunches compliments of gma.
- the quarter dwindling down.
- having the highest grades ive had since...wow..
- playing the trumpet.
- listening to taylor play the piano.
- captain crunch.
- turkey and mashed potatoes.
- wine.
- watching kaitlynn take more wine...more wine...more wine..
- watching my mother watch kaitlynn take more wine...more wine...more wine..
- family.
- going to the movies.
- clean rooms.
- clean cars.
- clean houses.
- house slippers.
- cookies.
- mr pickles.
- having text convos with my dad.
- any pie.
- pumpkin pie.
- having only 2 finals out of 4 classes.
- being done with one of those classes already.
- driving.
- taylor swift.
- getting sent song lyrics in a text.
- gatorade.
- making a short christmas list.
- realizing im better with what i have right now.
- christmas music.
- finally being able to sing it.
- scarves.
- peasant because his hair is long.
- blackberry.
- green.
- grey.
- yellow.
- kaitlynn almost taking night time cold meds at 11 AM.
- chelsie hightower (you thought i forgot huh)
- writing a term paper on dani.
- burberry.
- sweats.
- sweatshirts.
- comfort.
- viva la vida.
- gabe bondoc.
- violin.
- taylor.
- getting to where i want to be.
- not shopping on black friday.
- shopping...tomorrow.
- money in the bank.
- shawty whatchu drank?
- seeing leaves on lawns.
- san ramon during the holidays.
- movie night tonight.
- old navy.
- good books.
- good looks.
- pictures that i took.
- someone stealing my heart like a crook.
- keeping it safe in a nook.
- getting excited like someone took me and just...shook.
- hallaaaaa word surgeon.
- days escalating.
=] peace and blessings ya'll...count yours...you've got many.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
188. Going to try and make sense of this.
Again, very sorry for lagging so heavily on these posts. I'm here now. Ready?
Poetry. It's kinda my thing. It's one of the only ways I feel I can let emotion escape through me...to another. It works as an exit. I tried writing songs once...but most of those came out sounding like commercial jingles...go figure. Sooo I stuck with rhythm through speech. With that said...I haven't written a poem in about a month or so. To tell you the truth, most of my poems revolve around relationships. There have been many writings that I've produced that have to do with the world, myself, changes, problems, so on and so forth. But for the heavy majority...I write about my heart. I write when it's lifted, I write when it sinks, I write when it's lost, I write when I've found it in another's hands...you get the idea.
Here's the thing. Those poems...the ones I wrote for the moment, were a way to justify who I was with. It was almost as if I was bringing a cement block in and solidifying my reasons for even being with them in the first place. In reality, if those words were all I gave them...those words conjured up for the simple fact of exacerbating myself to try and pull emotion...when I was next to them...it was superficial. Lately...I'm away from a person...or next to a person...and it's different. I'm speechless. I'm wordless. I'm filled with emotion that no one deserves to feel because it's too rich. I'm full of feelings for the very first time. I'm not trying to justify. I'm letting it...justify itself...merely by...existing. I can't box this in like I could with everything else. I don't want to. But I do wish to keep it close to me. I'm inspired. I'm too inspired. I pick up a pen and smile because theres just no reason. The reason is to just be. My reason...is found.
With all that said...I don't want you to think that I'm bashing my poems. I also don't want you to think I'm bashing any of those people who I wrote the poems for. I'm merely explaining a situation that has me doing...or in this case not doing...what I usually do. I am in fact in the process of writing something. It's taking me a while. It won't have a beginning. It won't have an end. There will be no start and no finish. There will be no box for it to sit in. The poetry will come. I suppose before I was pretty concerned with poetry first...and I figured if the poetry came then the feelings would follow. It sounds a little twisted. But hey...I figured it out. I'm glad I did...
Thanksgiving is a few days away. I'll try and post before then. For now I'll leave you with a song. One of my favorite songs sung by two incredibly talented human beings. I'm stuck on Guy Sebastian I tell ya. If you listen to the words it will most definitely lift you up.
Peace, Blessings, and Optimism. =]
Poetry. It's kinda my thing. It's one of the only ways I feel I can let emotion escape through me...to another. It works as an exit. I tried writing songs once...but most of those came out sounding like commercial jingles...go figure. Sooo I stuck with rhythm through speech. With that said...I haven't written a poem in about a month or so. To tell you the truth, most of my poems revolve around relationships. There have been many writings that I've produced that have to do with the world, myself, changes, problems, so on and so forth. But for the heavy majority...I write about my heart. I write when it's lifted, I write when it sinks, I write when it's lost, I write when I've found it in another's hands...you get the idea.
Here's the thing. Those poems...the ones I wrote for the moment, were a way to justify who I was with. It was almost as if I was bringing a cement block in and solidifying my reasons for even being with them in the first place. In reality, if those words were all I gave them...those words conjured up for the simple fact of exacerbating myself to try and pull emotion...when I was next to them...it was superficial. Lately...I'm away from a person...or next to a person...and it's different. I'm speechless. I'm wordless. I'm filled with emotion that no one deserves to feel because it's too rich. I'm full of feelings for the very first time. I'm not trying to justify. I'm letting it...justify itself...merely by...existing. I can't box this in like I could with everything else. I don't want to. But I do wish to keep it close to me. I'm inspired. I'm too inspired. I pick up a pen and smile because theres just no reason. The reason is to just be. My reason...is found.
With all that said...I don't want you to think that I'm bashing my poems. I also don't want you to think I'm bashing any of those people who I wrote the poems for. I'm merely explaining a situation that has me doing...or in this case not doing...what I usually do. I am in fact in the process of writing something. It's taking me a while. It won't have a beginning. It won't have an end. There will be no start and no finish. There will be no box for it to sit in. The poetry will come. I suppose before I was pretty concerned with poetry first...and I figured if the poetry came then the feelings would follow. It sounds a little twisted. But hey...I figured it out. I'm glad I did...
Thanksgiving is a few days away. I'll try and post before then. For now I'll leave you with a song. One of my favorite songs sung by two incredibly talented human beings. I'm stuck on Guy Sebastian I tell ya. If you listen to the words it will most definitely lift you up.
Peace, Blessings, and Optimism. =]
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
186. Celine Dion...
So the Celine Dion concert got cancelled for this weekend. Kaitlynn cried and I cried....for her. However...the concert is reappearing on Feb. 20th and best believe Kaitlynn, Dani, and myself will be in the nosebleed section hearing the horn blowwww. Magic I tell you...magic. ;)
Another short little post I knowww I knoww I'm lagging I do apologize. Home girl started to get busy and apparently won't be slowing down for quite a while. If I have some extra time this weekend I will hit ya with a little something insightful.
For Kaitlynn because I love her and I am very sorry she can't see Celine this weekend. Soon enough boo. =]
I'm not even about to lie...I'm feeling this song. Go ahead...laugh...but I'm gonna put it on repeat. =]
Another short little post I knowww I knoww I'm lagging I do apologize. Home girl started to get busy and apparently won't be slowing down for quite a while. If I have some extra time this weekend I will hit ya with a little something insightful.
For Kaitlynn because I love her and I am very sorry she can't see Celine this weekend. Soon enough boo. =]
I'm not even about to lie...I'm feeling this song. Go ahead...laugh...but I'm gonna put it on repeat. =]
Monday, November 17, 2008
185. Update.
Yikes. Sorry it's been a while. Things are hectic and crazy and beautiful.
I've been...
schooling it, schooling it, schooling it, driving it, concerting it, dating it, family...ing it?, being fly..it..ehhh this is hard..
I've been swamped to say the least. But it's a nice swamp. The kind of swamp where I'm not minding getting muddy and wet because there are green frogs and turtles at my feet and the sunrise and sunsets are gorgeous making everything okay. Yeah...right where I wanna be.
In upcoming blogs I will tap into the concert (definitely up on top 5 things I've experienced), give some new music away (I came across weezy's new mixtape and might have found kanyes album...you don't have that yet.), a thanksgiving blog much like last years with pictures and wisdom and fun, and possibly talk about what has a girl like me changing her mind about the cynicism of the world.
For now...I have to depart and finish up some work. I hope everyone has been feeling blessed and real lately. Good vibes all around. Thanksgiving is next week people and I KNOW I am not the only one excited for it. =]
And because he is quite good at what he does...those darn Aussies..I wanna go back..
I've been...
schooling it, schooling it, schooling it, driving it, concerting it, dating it, family...ing it?, being fly..it..ehhh this is hard..
I've been swamped to say the least. But it's a nice swamp. The kind of swamp where I'm not minding getting muddy and wet because there are green frogs and turtles at my feet and the sunrise and sunsets are gorgeous making everything okay. Yeah...right where I wanna be.
In upcoming blogs I will tap into the concert (definitely up on top 5 things I've experienced), give some new music away (I came across weezy's new mixtape and might have found kanyes album...you don't have that yet.), a thanksgiving blog much like last years with pictures and wisdom and fun, and possibly talk about what has a girl like me changing her mind about the cynicism of the world.
For now...I have to depart and finish up some work. I hope everyone has been feeling blessed and real lately. Good vibes all around. Thanksgiving is next week people and I KNOW I am not the only one excited for it. =]
And because he is quite good at what he does...those darn Aussies..I wanna go back..
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
184. A swift kick...
I was feeling very brown today...
I like days off. I get to do things like be a fly by night, do a little aimless shopping for face wash and hanes shirts, and see old pals and stomping grounds.
Oh...best of all? I get to buy things like the Taylor Swift cd.
Country isn't my thing normally but I have my favorites. Carrie and Taylor are quickly becoming my leading ladies.
Ever pop in a cd and for just a few minutes feel like everything is just...that good? It doesn't matter what's playing...the point is...that it is playing. For me, some of these songs make me believe that there are still a few good song writers out there that believe in feelings rather than sexual frustration, drinks at the bar, or a fine girl walking by. She's telling a story. Her story. I suppose I related because that's what I do in most of my writings. I write for myself. Ergo...I write for you. You've been there. I incorporate you because it's easy to do so. Makes you enjoy what I do. So...with that said..go pick up Taylor Swift's cd. It makes me believe in music. These past few months music has really stepped its game up. John Legend aaand Taylor Swift with the truth. Can't get any better than that.
Makes me remember everything I once lost and inevitable truths that shouldn't be fought. Pretty powerful stuff.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
183. I reaaally should be reading...
about relational communication.
I'm not.
So here here here.
Happiness is..
- headbands.
- my financial aid going through.
- me beating heads to get that financial aid.
- my northface backpack that holds up during rain.
- not being sick anymore.
- coldbusters from jamba.
- v8 fusion.
- the blackberry going 2 days with no charge.
- demi lovato.
- winter quarter sign ups going smoothly.
- getting all the classes i needed.
- being excited about those classes.
- thanksgiving being weeks away.
- only having 4 more classes of my tuesday thursday days.
- road trips with a co-pilot.
- making kaitlynn happy.
- loving dani for eternity.
- real talks with dani and marti.
- hot cheetos as a gift. knows the way to my heart apparentlyy.
- babysitting quentin.
- having quentin love flashlights as much as i do.
- playing with flashlights on the wall.
- wanting a new cow drawn on my wall. anyone up for it?
- passing all my midterms with B's and above.
- halla at straight A's.
- driving.
- rapping while driving.
- old navy sweaters.
- corduroy pants.
- pumas.
- carrie underwood being a week away.
- celine being two weeks away..wait what?
- hacky sack.
- good morning texts.
- my big bed.
- relational communication dialogues.
- writing a bomb news article.
- election talk.
- oprah and her loud voice.
- a new cd made just for me not by me.
- youtube and the countless hours it distracts me.
- singing "do i have a girlfriend? technically no. if you'll be my girlfriend, then i'll make it so. you'll be my only true lover. no competition no other." to dani and kait 50 million times.
- them telling me to shutup cause i'll wake everyone up.
- not waking anyone up because of it.
- they loved it.
- j saying she didnt hear me singing it to save me.
- her really hearing me.
- popcorn.
- naps.
- good dreams.
- having tuesday off.
- the new blackberry bold.
- the new blackberry storm.
- burts bees.
- making random friends in the library.
- seeing old friends on campus.
- realizing i have a lot of sweatshirts.
- realizing most of them i never bought.
- ed hardy.
- saying things like "i got 99 problems but..."
- my laptop.
- my wireless connection when it says excellent.
- rice.
- knowing it fell into place how it was supposed to.
- my blackberry case.
- becoming speechless.
Oh how fun that is.
Currently listening to:
Anything and everything by this dude. Ya'll should already know that though. I stay with this guy.
""I see you find that funny...I'd love to buy you a drink but I got bent and spent my money
But would you kindly accept a rain check? Perhaps some deep chit-chat?"
She didn't think twice nodded her head and said "I'm with that."
"By the way, you got some matches?"
She's like "No, but theres a lighter right in front of you."
And now we're both gigglin', this girls so crazy got my gullet jigglin'
Fiddlin' with my feelings like an out of tune piano-
Like I'm on Ritalin, the way she got my undivided attention
dissmissin' any thoughts of letting this one get away."
I'm not.
So here here here.
Happiness is..
- headbands.
- my financial aid going through.
- me beating heads to get that financial aid.
- my northface backpack that holds up during rain.
- not being sick anymore.
- coldbusters from jamba.
- v8 fusion.
- the blackberry going 2 days with no charge.
- demi lovato.
- winter quarter sign ups going smoothly.
- getting all the classes i needed.
- being excited about those classes.
- thanksgiving being weeks away.
- only having 4 more classes of my tuesday thursday days.
- road trips with a co-pilot.
- making kaitlynn happy.
- loving dani for eternity.
- real talks with dani and marti.
- hot cheetos as a gift. knows the way to my heart apparentlyy.
- babysitting quentin.
- having quentin love flashlights as much as i do.
- playing with flashlights on the wall.
- wanting a new cow drawn on my wall. anyone up for it?
- passing all my midterms with B's and above.
- halla at straight A's.
- driving.
- rapping while driving.
- old navy sweaters.
- corduroy pants.
- pumas.
- carrie underwood being a week away.
- celine being two weeks away..wait what?
- hacky sack.
- good morning texts.
- my big bed.
- relational communication dialogues.
- writing a bomb news article.
- election talk.
- oprah and her loud voice.
- a new cd made just for me not by me.
- youtube and the countless hours it distracts me.
- singing "do i have a girlfriend? technically no. if you'll be my girlfriend, then i'll make it so. you'll be my only true lover. no competition no other." to dani and kait 50 million times.
- them telling me to shutup cause i'll wake everyone up.
- not waking anyone up because of it.
- they loved it.
- j saying she didnt hear me singing it to save me.
- her really hearing me.
- popcorn.
- naps.
- good dreams.
- having tuesday off.
- the new blackberry bold.
- the new blackberry storm.
- burts bees.
- making random friends in the library.
- seeing old friends on campus.
- realizing i have a lot of sweatshirts.
- realizing most of them i never bought.
- ed hardy.
- saying things like "i got 99 problems but..."
- my laptop.
- my wireless connection when it says excellent.
- rice.
- knowing it fell into place how it was supposed to.
- my blackberry case.
- becoming speechless.
Oh how fun that is.
Currently listening to:
Anything and everything by this dude. Ya'll should already know that though. I stay with this guy.
""I see you find that funny...I'd love to buy you a drink but I got bent and spent my money
But would you kindly accept a rain check? Perhaps some deep chit-chat?"
She didn't think twice nodded her head and said "I'm with that."
"By the way, you got some matches?"
She's like "No, but theres a lighter right in front of you."
And now we're both gigglin', this girls so crazy got my gullet jigglin'
Fiddlin' with my feelings like an out of tune piano-
Like I'm on Ritalin, the way she got my undivided attention
dissmissin' any thoughts of letting this one get away."
Thursday, November 6, 2008
182. It's been a momentous November.
Two days ago we chose a new president. Some believe that we have been choosing a new president for quite some time now. I was lucky enough to be a part of this election. I am now lucky enough to say that my first presidential election is the most historic election that has ever taken place in the United States of America. I am a proud person. Proud in numerous ways. I'm proud of myself for getting out there and voting. I'm proud of our country for coming together and realizing that a change is necessary. I'm proud of Obama. I do believe that he has his work cut out for him. I also believe that us as a country cannot sit back now that this election is over and watch Obama try and fix the mess that was created. We must continue to fight. We must continue to come together and work for a change. Obama says "yes WE can", not "yes I can". He's talking to you. Realize that. Sitting in front of the television watching Obama give his speech makes shivers run down my spine even now. The words that he said were not just for the people that voted for him. His words were for every single person...no matter who they were...no matter where they were. What we have to realize is that this is bigger than all of us. I was raised in a home where I truly was able to conceive and believe in the actual idea of an African American becoming president. I was raised to believe in working for the betterment of myself and others. Giving up is never an option. Not believing is never an option. This whole election truly opened my eyes and made me realize that in America, we really can do anything. Possibilities are endless as to what we can achieve if we are passionate about movement and progress. For the first time in a long time I have so much hope in America. There is light out there. Let's continue to make the movement. Be that change. Create that change.
On a different note, Prop 8 passed. I'd just like to point out that it passed by a very slim margin. I know that for many of you out there, it doesn't matter what margin it was passed by because it still means that equality has not shined and been raised up. The way I look at it is this. We as a state have passed gay marriage once before...we can do it again. Even better...we will do it again. Equality is a struggle. But equality is this struggle that has been ongoing since the dawn of days. I'm not making an excuse for it so please do not misinterpret what I'm trying to get across. Instead of focusing on the fact that it passed...focus on what we as a state did accomplish. Prop 8 passed by four points. Four points people. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a year ago, Prop 8 would have passed by a much larger margin. I'm going to go out on a further limb and tell you that four years ago, it would have passed by an overwhelming margin. So look there...if you still have doubts about what our state has accomplished. We are moving in the right direction. Not everyone is going to agree. That's sort of the beauty of choice and voting and having a voice out there. This will make the struggle that much more powerful. Love is love folks. In the end no one can take that away from you. Just remember that. No one can take away your feelings, your passion, and your love. Those things are unexplainable. Those things are what make fighting for something you believe in worth it in the first place. Keep on keepin' on. The day will come.
Bottom line...all I know, is I want to live for a living. Waking up each morning believing in someone or something- now that is life. As I've gotten more accustomed to the lifestyle of enjoying what I have and what I do each and everyday, these past few mornings I've seen a new ray of sun that I thought was a little lost. I'm glad it's back...it's about time.
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
-Barack Obama
Grant Park. November 4, 2008.
On a different note, Prop 8 passed. I'd just like to point out that it passed by a very slim margin. I know that for many of you out there, it doesn't matter what margin it was passed by because it still means that equality has not shined and been raised up. The way I look at it is this. We as a state have passed gay marriage once before...we can do it again. Even better...we will do it again. Equality is a struggle. But equality is this struggle that has been ongoing since the dawn of days. I'm not making an excuse for it so please do not misinterpret what I'm trying to get across. Instead of focusing on the fact that it passed...focus on what we as a state did accomplish. Prop 8 passed by four points. Four points people. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a year ago, Prop 8 would have passed by a much larger margin. I'm going to go out on a further limb and tell you that four years ago, it would have passed by an overwhelming margin. So look there...if you still have doubts about what our state has accomplished. We are moving in the right direction. Not everyone is going to agree. That's sort of the beauty of choice and voting and having a voice out there. This will make the struggle that much more powerful. Love is love folks. In the end no one can take that away from you. Just remember that. No one can take away your feelings, your passion, and your love. Those things are unexplainable. Those things are what make fighting for something you believe in worth it in the first place. Keep on keepin' on. The day will come.
Bottom line...all I know, is I want to live for a living. Waking up each morning believing in someone or something- now that is life. As I've gotten more accustomed to the lifestyle of enjoying what I have and what I do each and everyday, these past few mornings I've seen a new ray of sun that I thought was a little lost. I'm glad it's back...it's about time.
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
-Barack Obama
Grant Park. November 4, 2008.
Monday, November 3, 2008
181. My Interpretation
It's the sequel to Britney Spears' song..
Get it? My perogative...eh?..eh...very bad joke. It's Monday, what do you expect from a sister. ;)
Five weeks left until my first quarter of my third year in college is complete. Time flies. Literally...I see wings. I'm finally starting to see the horizon where the finish line is for this whole school thing. Its far away...but at least there is something in the distance that is believable in reaching if I power through it. It's a very cool feeling. It's paying off.
As I'm growing...as years are passing...I'm realizing that it's less about who you meet at the institution..and more about what you learn. I'm not speaking about inside a classroom (although that is the point). I'm speaking about what you learn around you. What you learn in those years when you finally start to share a purpose...share a goal...with other people who have similar ones. I say this from a transfers point of view. Attending three different schools is not the norm...I get that. I think it's supposed to be this way though. I'll tell you this...I've learned more in these two-going on two and a half years in college than I have at any other time in my life. It's all about growth. My best friend is the person who shared a bedroom with me until I was 16 years old. My best friend is someone who I met at a tryout for a softball team. My best friend is a person who I met at a park...through a friend. None of those people did I meet at school. For that...it really does make me believe in something a little greater. I'm not sure if fate is the word. Possibly just...a happening...a glance in time. I'm living proof that you will find the greatest people in your life...when you aren't looking. The people that love me every single day...without fail...without contingencies...without grudges...those are the people that I am most thankful for. I was done with having 20 best friends and 50,000 acquaintances when I was 18. I grew up. I learned who mattered. People who can't stick around...don't deserve me anyway. Am I upset that I didn't learn this sooner? No way. Time. Time. Time. Time heals wounds. Time conjures up the meeting spots. Time is an essential mechanism for people to pull it together. I wouldn't have understood this paragraph at 16. I wouldn't have written a paragraph like this at 17. Hell, I would have laughed at this when I was 18. I'm 20...going on 21...and I applaud this paragraph. Who won? Oh...you're correct...I did. And I couldn't be happier.
I raved about the John Legend cd before having it. Now I will rave about the John Legend cd while it sits here on my desk. It's amazing. It's teaching me a lot. Many of the songs are about relationships...the normal...break up to make up to break up songs. A few really stick out for me though. I suppose it's all in how he writes his lyrics. Dripping with passion and purpose, he delivers something that can only be felt if you have been there. Cool thing about the songs...everyone has been there. One stood out to me. It's a duet between him and Brandy. Another little secret, growing up Brandy was my number one favorite artist. I had everything of hers. Shes making a comeback lately and I do believe that John Legend was genius to put her on a track. It was a smart move on both their parts. The song is called "Quickly". It's a love song...but a twisted one. The purpose for the song in my eyes is to explain how this world is making people care less about what is actually real. "Quickly" is trying to make a statement about how we love each other as human beings. At the rate the world is going at...love is a disappearing agent. It's hard to find, and even harder to hold onto. They both beg each other to love "quickly" for the simple fact that they see what is going on in the world. It's a powerful statement. Where is love? How often is it misinterpreted? Too many people come together in a relationship and use love because it feels forced. Although this song talks about loving quickly...it does not give off the impression of a false love. They are simply begging for something real in a world that is so unreal. The irony in the song is not to "love quickly" in the sense that you wake up, find a potential lover, and fall in love. Love quickly simply means don't be blind to a potential. Don't let the agents of restriction make true feelings fall short. Love conquers a lot more than you think. I suppose it makes all the sense in the world. Love...but don't love under false pretenses. Feel...and feel with your soul. Time is not promised to anyone. Love big. Love strong. Love real. Love quickly.
The news said.
If I had twenty million dollars in a vault somewhere baby,
It wouldn’t matter anyway
Cause the doctor told me that I’m dying slowly
So I guess I got to love you while I’m here baby
Did you know
The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Lower and lower baby
No where to go...
I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I… want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly.
You said you didn’t even know my name, but
Told me we mind as well make ours the same
What do you think baby (no time)
Think it might as well be light years away, oh
We just better land on the stars before they come crashing down cause I heard the news...
The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Lower and lower baby
No where to go...
I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
Yea that’s right baby kiss me like the world is quaking
Do it like the earth is shaking
You got it baby, that’s right lovely
Fill me like our time is sprinting faster running out of time
I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
You barely know me baby but you gotta love me quickly, quickly
you gotta love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
Oh you gotta love me, you gotta love me
Love me like you know the world is about to end .. love me
Quickly now
The news said the sky is falling...quickly now
Love me, love me.
Have a good one ya'll. Spread the love.
Get it? My perogative...eh?..eh...very bad joke. It's Monday, what do you expect from a sister. ;)
Five weeks left until my first quarter of my third year in college is complete. Time flies. Literally...I see wings. I'm finally starting to see the horizon where the finish line is for this whole school thing. Its far away...but at least there is something in the distance that is believable in reaching if I power through it. It's a very cool feeling. It's paying off.
As I'm growing...as years are passing...I'm realizing that it's less about who you meet at the institution..and more about what you learn. I'm not speaking about inside a classroom (although that is the point). I'm speaking about what you learn around you. What you learn in those years when you finally start to share a purpose...share a goal...with other people who have similar ones. I say this from a transfers point of view. Attending three different schools is not the norm...I get that. I think it's supposed to be this way though. I'll tell you this...I've learned more in these two-going on two and a half years in college than I have at any other time in my life. It's all about growth. My best friend is the person who shared a bedroom with me until I was 16 years old. My best friend is someone who I met at a tryout for a softball team. My best friend is a person who I met at a park...through a friend. None of those people did I meet at school. For that...it really does make me believe in something a little greater. I'm not sure if fate is the word. Possibly just...a happening...a glance in time. I'm living proof that you will find the greatest people in your life...when you aren't looking. The people that love me every single day...without fail...without contingencies...without grudges...those are the people that I am most thankful for. I was done with having 20 best friends and 50,000 acquaintances when I was 18. I grew up. I learned who mattered. People who can't stick around...don't deserve me anyway. Am I upset that I didn't learn this sooner? No way. Time. Time. Time. Time heals wounds. Time conjures up the meeting spots. Time is an essential mechanism for people to pull it together. I wouldn't have understood this paragraph at 16. I wouldn't have written a paragraph like this at 17. Hell, I would have laughed at this when I was 18. I'm 20...going on 21...and I applaud this paragraph. Who won? Oh...you're correct...I did. And I couldn't be happier.
I raved about the John Legend cd before having it. Now I will rave about the John Legend cd while it sits here on my desk. It's amazing. It's teaching me a lot. Many of the songs are about relationships...the normal...break up to make up to break up songs. A few really stick out for me though. I suppose it's all in how he writes his lyrics. Dripping with passion and purpose, he delivers something that can only be felt if you have been there. Cool thing about the songs...everyone has been there. One stood out to me. It's a duet between him and Brandy. Another little secret, growing up Brandy was my number one favorite artist. I had everything of hers. Shes making a comeback lately and I do believe that John Legend was genius to put her on a track. It was a smart move on both their parts. The song is called "Quickly". It's a love song...but a twisted one. The purpose for the song in my eyes is to explain how this world is making people care less about what is actually real. "Quickly" is trying to make a statement about how we love each other as human beings. At the rate the world is going at...love is a disappearing agent. It's hard to find, and even harder to hold onto. They both beg each other to love "quickly" for the simple fact that they see what is going on in the world. It's a powerful statement. Where is love? How often is it misinterpreted? Too many people come together in a relationship and use love because it feels forced. Although this song talks about loving quickly...it does not give off the impression of a false love. They are simply begging for something real in a world that is so unreal. The irony in the song is not to "love quickly" in the sense that you wake up, find a potential lover, and fall in love. Love quickly simply means don't be blind to a potential. Don't let the agents of restriction make true feelings fall short. Love conquers a lot more than you think. I suppose it makes all the sense in the world. Love...but don't love under false pretenses. Feel...and feel with your soul. Time is not promised to anyone. Love big. Love strong. Love real. Love quickly.
The news said.
If I had twenty million dollars in a vault somewhere baby,
It wouldn’t matter anyway
Cause the doctor told me that I’m dying slowly
So I guess I got to love you while I’m here baby
Did you know
The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Lower and lower baby
No where to go...
I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I… want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly.
You said you didn’t even know my name, but
Told me we mind as well make ours the same
What do you think baby (no time)
Think it might as well be light years away, oh
We just better land on the stars before they come crashing down cause I heard the news...
The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Lower and lower baby
No where to go...
I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
Yea that’s right baby kiss me like the world is quaking
Do it like the earth is shaking
You got it baby, that’s right lovely
Fill me like our time is sprinting faster running out of time
I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
You barely know me baby but you gotta love me quickly, quickly
you gotta love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly
Oh you gotta love me, you gotta love me
Love me like you know the world is about to end .. love me
Quickly now
The news said the sky is falling...quickly now
Love me, love me.
Have a good one ya'll. Spread the love.
Friday, October 31, 2008
180. Pumpkins.
Happy Halloween everybody! I hope everyone stayed safe and enjoyed themselves.
Sorry for the lag in posts. I've had a fever for the past few days. I never get sick. I think I was stressing myself out too much for midterms. Who knows. The fever is finally dropping and my throat isn't on fire anymore. Cool. I think my family believes I am the little boy who cries wolf. I'm a hypochondriac. I like to take a paper cut and bandage the hell out of that thing. Can't ever be too careful. No one believed me. That is until I stuck the thermometer in my mouth and it came out 102. "Scotty's on fiyaaaah"...
In otherrrr news. Today I got called a pimp. They used it lightly..maybe even too lightly, but they still used it. I find that word to be a little degrading most days but is it completely bad that I totally smiled while hearing it? Maybe I even stood up taller (it doesn't happen but I pretend). They sure used it in a good way so at least that is the plus. Hmm...oh! Dad got a facebook. He's Mr. Popular on there already with all his friend requests. My grandma got a facebook too. Want to know what's really really great? Your grandma does not have a facebook. She's not going to have a facebook. If you ever believe that the DeGrano's are off their game...think again. We are on top of it 24/7 and that's just the way it happens.
Go vote Tuesday. I'll keep telling you that. It's too important. Too important.
Since I didn't do anything for Halloween except attend a doctors office and have a dance party with Kaitlynn...here are two pics from last year. I made rasta man. Mom didn't appreciate it. Yikes. Oh..I also made pumpkin seeds. From the likes of the picture, I was enjoying myself. Haha
And incase you were wondering what song the dance party was to...only one of the best 80's song ever created duh aaaand a perfect Halloween song.
"I always feel like, somebody's waaatchin me" ...get it Michael..go on boy..
Sorry for the lag in posts. I've had a fever for the past few days. I never get sick. I think I was stressing myself out too much for midterms. Who knows. The fever is finally dropping and my throat isn't on fire anymore. Cool. I think my family believes I am the little boy who cries wolf. I'm a hypochondriac. I like to take a paper cut and bandage the hell out of that thing. Can't ever be too careful. No one believed me. That is until I stuck the thermometer in my mouth and it came out 102. "Scotty's on fiyaaaah"...
In otherrrr news. Today I got called a pimp. They used it lightly..maybe even too lightly, but they still used it. I find that word to be a little degrading most days but is it completely bad that I totally smiled while hearing it? Maybe I even stood up taller (it doesn't happen but I pretend). They sure used it in a good way so at least that is the plus. Hmm...oh! Dad got a facebook. He's Mr. Popular on there already with all his friend requests. My grandma got a facebook too. Want to know what's really really great? Your grandma does not have a facebook. She's not going to have a facebook. If you ever believe that the DeGrano's are off their game...think again. We are on top of it 24/7 and that's just the way it happens.
Go vote Tuesday. I'll keep telling you that. It's too important. Too important.
Since I didn't do anything for Halloween except attend a doctors office and have a dance party with Kaitlynn...here are two pics from last year. I made rasta man. Mom didn't appreciate it. Yikes. Oh..I also made pumpkin seeds. From the likes of the picture, I was enjoying myself. Haha
And incase you were wondering what song the dance party was to...only one of the best 80's song ever created duh aaaand a perfect Halloween song.
"I always feel like, somebody's waaatchin me" ...get it Michael..go on boy..
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
178. It's Monday
Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi.
Monday and it's been a good one. I got an A on my midterm. Yep, me and my big brain got an A.
John Legend's third album comes out tomorrow and you better believe I will be there buying multiple copies just because I can. If you didn't know, John Legend is my favorite male artist. Go buy it. Just do it. I promised myself I wasn't going to hear full songs before they came out besides green light because that damn song is on everyone's life. However...I did sample some parts to some songs because I may have found the cd before it came out BUT...I was good and didn't hear it all. What I did hear was bossy. Go get it.
People ask me questions. When multiple people ask me the same sort of questions...I answer them here. Here goes...
1. Why did you cut your hair? Are you going to keep it that short?
2. You used to always be on your phone. Now you barely text me. Why don't you text anymore?
3. Do you like school? How do you like your classes?
4. What's your major? What do you want to do with that major?
5. When does the book come out and where can I get it?
6. Where do you find all of your music?
7. Why don't you blog more often than you do?
8. You can sing? Sing for me!!!
9. Who is peasant and why don't you like him?
10. Why...are you...so cool?
Acheeeem...
1. I cut my hair because I needed to step out of a box that was created by me in order to feel comfortable, safe, and in order. I ran wild, told the chick to chop it off, and here I am. Yes I am going to keep it this short for a while. I enjoy it.
2. I used to have two devices. One was a phone. One was a sidekick. I never was on my phone...I was always on my sidekick. I woke up one morning and realized that owning two devices does not in fact make you any cooler. I have just one phone now. Sorry I don't text as much. Sorry it's a little short when I do. That thing isn't attached to me like my other one. Things change.
3. I love school. I am very happy with my decision and it's moving right along. My classes are hard but worth it.
4. I am majoring in interpersonal communications and minoring in recreation. There are many things I would like to do with my major. If you need me to show you a list...I can.
5. Uh...when I know you'll know. =]
6. Secret places. Secret people. And no I don't share secrets.
7. It could be because I'm taking 18 units. It couuuld be because I have nothing interesting to say. Or it couuuuuuld be because that would be predictable...and I am not predictable.
8. Yes I can. And I sing for some people. Like emily...on her birthday. Maybe when it's your birthday I'll sing for you too.
9. Peasant is my dog. His name is Cooper and I don't think you should ask me the question of why don't I like him. How about you ask...why doesn't he like me?
10. No one asked this question I just slipped it in here. I was born cool.
Monday and it's been a good one. I got an A on my midterm. Yep, me and my big brain got an A.
John Legend's third album comes out tomorrow and you better believe I will be there buying multiple copies just because I can. If you didn't know, John Legend is my favorite male artist. Go buy it. Just do it. I promised myself I wasn't going to hear full songs before they came out besides green light because that damn song is on everyone's life. However...I did sample some parts to some songs because I may have found the cd before it came out BUT...I was good and didn't hear it all. What I did hear was bossy. Go get it.
People ask me questions. When multiple people ask me the same sort of questions...I answer them here. Here goes...
1. Why did you cut your hair? Are you going to keep it that short?
2. You used to always be on your phone. Now you barely text me. Why don't you text anymore?
3. Do you like school? How do you like your classes?
4. What's your major? What do you want to do with that major?
5. When does the book come out and where can I get it?
6. Where do you find all of your music?
7. Why don't you blog more often than you do?
8. You can sing? Sing for me!!!
9. Who is peasant and why don't you like him?
10. Why...are you...so cool?
Acheeeem...
1. I cut my hair because I needed to step out of a box that was created by me in order to feel comfortable, safe, and in order. I ran wild, told the chick to chop it off, and here I am. Yes I am going to keep it this short for a while. I enjoy it.
2. I used to have two devices. One was a phone. One was a sidekick. I never was on my phone...I was always on my sidekick. I woke up one morning and realized that owning two devices does not in fact make you any cooler. I have just one phone now. Sorry I don't text as much. Sorry it's a little short when I do. That thing isn't attached to me like my other one. Things change.
3. I love school. I am very happy with my decision and it's moving right along. My classes are hard but worth it.
4. I am majoring in interpersonal communications and minoring in recreation. There are many things I would like to do with my major. If you need me to show you a list...I can.
5. Uh...when I know you'll know. =]
6. Secret places. Secret people. And no I don't share secrets.
7. It could be because I'm taking 18 units. It couuuld be because I have nothing interesting to say. Or it couuuuuuld be because that would be predictable...and I am not predictable.
8. Yes I can. And I sing for some people. Like emily...on her birthday. Maybe when it's your birthday I'll sing for you too.
9. Peasant is my dog. His name is Cooper and I don't think you should ask me the question of why don't I like him. How about you ask...why doesn't he like me?
10. No one asked this question I just slipped it in here. I was born cool.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
177. Midterms...
are not happy things. I've decided to write about happy things.
Happiness is...
-kool-aid.
-halloween presents from g-ma.
-weekly "just because" cards from jenny.
-crackberry when its blinking red.
-hacky sack.
-agua.
-ugg slippers...not boots lets not get confused.
-"bella"...remind me to blog about this.
-fitness 19 and their 9 dollar special.
-indian summer with no wind.
-mr. pickles.
-muffins from costco.
-bank of the west statements that are tiiiiny.
-money in the bank...still.
-fridays.
-lil Q.
-school minus midterms.
-dancing.
-singing.
-showers.
-sleeping in.
-bay views.
-gabe bondoc.
-hidden poems.
-chelsie hightower (no i haven't forgotten about her).
-potstickers.
-pops getting that facebook.
-green walls.
-being the opposite of tall.
-buying nothing at the mall.
-when they decide to call.
-not needing to brawl.
-kaitlynn being kaitlynn.
-seeing old friends.
-the moon when you can see the craters.
-laughing.
-feeling accomplished.
-having a big bed.
-my lime green bracelets that don't match.
-gas prices dropping down.
-kanye west and his new works.
-genuine growth.
-genuine people.
-genuine art.
-real apologies with real emotion in them. - hmm.
-coloring.
-voting ahh.
-open note midterms.
-black tea lemonade vente only because its like 20 more cents and you get a lot more whaaat.
-ellen.
-peasant because hes funny when hes angry at someone other than myself.
-driving in my car.
-swimming.
-memories...nostalgia.
-empowering myself.
-jello.
-hot cheetos.
-frosted flakes.
-finding the toy inside frosted flakes.
-having that toy be incredibly saweet.
-nice pens that write well and dont smear because i write backwards.
-getting the mail.
-real talks with stass.
-real talks with kait.
-real talks with dani.
-real..talks.
-feeding the soul with sunlight.
-my soul is always hungry.
-thats the appetite i can handle, it has the best metabolism.
-finding yourself skipping down the street when you were walking before and smirking a little because your subconscious knew you wanted to skip a little...it feels good to act five sometimes. now that is healthy.
oh...i'm the only one that that's happened to? okay. =]
uhmmm...this song is the story of my life.
tell me you aren't nodding to this.
Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don't know she hot and cold,
I won't stop and mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell you're friends that you're leavin' me,
They say that they don't see what you see in me,
You wait a couple months then you gone' see,
You'll never find nobody better than me
Happiness is...
-kool-aid.
-halloween presents from g-ma.
-weekly "just because" cards from jenny.
-crackberry when its blinking red.
-hacky sack.
-agua.
-ugg slippers...not boots lets not get confused.
-"bella"...remind me to blog about this.
-fitness 19 and their 9 dollar special.
-indian summer with no wind.
-mr. pickles.
-muffins from costco.
-bank of the west statements that are tiiiiny.
-money in the bank...still.
-fridays.
-lil Q.
-school minus midterms.
-dancing.
-singing.
-showers.
-sleeping in.
-bay views.
-gabe bondoc.
-hidden poems.
-chelsie hightower (no i haven't forgotten about her).
-potstickers.
-pops getting that facebook.
-green walls.
-being the opposite of tall.
-buying nothing at the mall.
-when they decide to call.
-not needing to brawl.
-kaitlynn being kaitlynn.
-seeing old friends.
-the moon when you can see the craters.
-laughing.
-feeling accomplished.
-having a big bed.
-my lime green bracelets that don't match.
-gas prices dropping down.
-kanye west and his new works.
-genuine growth.
-genuine people.
-genuine art.
-real apologies with real emotion in them. - hmm.
-coloring.
-voting ahh.
-open note midterms.
-black tea lemonade vente only because its like 20 more cents and you get a lot more whaaat.
-ellen.
-peasant because hes funny when hes angry at someone other than myself.
-driving in my car.
-swimming.
-memories...nostalgia.
-empowering myself.
-jello.
-hot cheetos.
-frosted flakes.
-finding the toy inside frosted flakes.
-having that toy be incredibly saweet.
-nice pens that write well and dont smear because i write backwards.
-getting the mail.
-real talks with stass.
-real talks with kait.
-real talks with dani.
-real..talks.
-feeding the soul with sunlight.
-my soul is always hungry.
-thats the appetite i can handle, it has the best metabolism.
-finding yourself skipping down the street when you were walking before and smirking a little because your subconscious knew you wanted to skip a little...it feels good to act five sometimes. now that is healthy.
oh...i'm the only one that that's happened to? okay. =]
uhmmm...this song is the story of my life.
tell me you aren't nodding to this.
Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don't know she hot and cold,
I won't stop and mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell you're friends that you're leavin' me,
They say that they don't see what you see in me,
You wait a couple months then you gone' see,
You'll never find nobody better than me
Thursday, October 23, 2008
176. And so I sing...
Happy half birthday to youu,
Happy half birthday to youuu,
Happy half biiirthday dear ashley, kaitlynn, and william shaaakespeare,
Happy half birthday to you!
Six months exactly tick tick tick....
I'm reading a book for class called "The Saturated Self - Dilemmas of Identity in Contemporary Life". It's dense but intriguing. The book as a whole is surprisingly good. I read a part tonight that struck me a little. It's a hypothetical conversation between a feminist and a post-modern man (the generality of a person in today's living society...I say that loosely) Here it is:
F: Who are they trying to scare off? Full of power and manipulative control, abundant resources, speed, complete management. The new army, complete with portable zenises. Pulling the rug out from under the old guard. (Didn't we all want to run out of the stands and..cheer!!!?) Down with the old order...foundations, split into gravity's rainbow/rules shredded ribbons adorning the may pole, wavering in the breeze of breathtaking words/absolute-ly nothinged by the shock-ing post-modern troops/wreaking con-sense with non-sense, parading, pandering, paradoxing, playing. What fun...London bridge is falling down. (de-constructed) My Fair Lady. Where can we jump in? Shall we form around a circle? Can we dance around the fire? The pole? The falling bridges? Give us a hand? Give us a hand? Give us a hand...
PM Man: (All they ever want are hand-outs...give em an inch they'll take a mile. How many inches do they think we've got?) Besides can't you see we've got play to do? It's not easy just going off to play each day you know. It takes practice and dedication and grace. It's not something that you can just join in like that. We've got our ways. Can't you see you'll just muck it up? We're in the wrecking business. What business is that of yours? "You make, we break": We can write it on the truck. Next thing you'll want us to settle down and play house. We've got to be movin' on. It's part of the code. Besides, John Wayne doesn't talk to girls, so adios. "Don't call us, we'll call you."...That's another thing. We don't make promises. Just another word for commitment (the really big C word, the one that gets you behind bars, and I don't mean mixing martinis). Let em eat cake, as good ol' Marie put it. She had a feel for our rap. French of course...Post-modern life is, as Deleuze sez, nomadic. We are all homeless wanderers on the featureless, pos-industrial steppe, tentless nomads, home packed up...Baby, the revolution has just begun. I mean the trashing is in dis-progress. Garbage cans full of rotten fruit, it is child's play. Disciplines to dismantle/Methods to maul/Truth to trample/Origins to emasculate...we're a-dispersing...
Ridiculous, crazy, truth...
Read it a few times and it will come to you. I'll let this one be up to interpretation. Kind of a...choose your own adventure book. I always liked those.
Happy half birthday to youuu,
Happy half biiirthday dear ashley, kaitlynn, and william shaaakespeare,
Happy half birthday to you!
Six months exactly tick tick tick....
I'm reading a book for class called "The Saturated Self - Dilemmas of Identity in Contemporary Life". It's dense but intriguing. The book as a whole is surprisingly good. I read a part tonight that struck me a little. It's a hypothetical conversation between a feminist and a post-modern man (the generality of a person in today's living society...I say that loosely) Here it is:
F: Who are they trying to scare off? Full of power and manipulative control, abundant resources, speed, complete management. The new army, complete with portable zenises. Pulling the rug out from under the old guard. (Didn't we all want to run out of the stands and..cheer!!!?) Down with the old order...foundations, split into gravity's rainbow/rules shredded ribbons adorning the may pole, wavering in the breeze of breathtaking words/absolute-ly nothinged by the shock-ing post-modern troops/wreaking con-sense with non-sense, parading, pandering, paradoxing, playing. What fun...London bridge is falling down. (de-constructed) My Fair Lady. Where can we jump in? Shall we form around a circle? Can we dance around the fire? The pole? The falling bridges? Give us a hand? Give us a hand? Give us a hand...
PM Man: (All they ever want are hand-outs...give em an inch they'll take a mile. How many inches do they think we've got?) Besides can't you see we've got play to do? It's not easy just going off to play each day you know. It takes practice and dedication and grace. It's not something that you can just join in like that. We've got our ways. Can't you see you'll just muck it up? We're in the wrecking business. What business is that of yours? "You make, we break": We can write it on the truck. Next thing you'll want us to settle down and play house. We've got to be movin' on. It's part of the code. Besides, John Wayne doesn't talk to girls, so adios. "Don't call us, we'll call you."...That's another thing. We don't make promises. Just another word for commitment (the really big C word, the one that gets you behind bars, and I don't mean mixing martinis). Let em eat cake, as good ol' Marie put it. She had a feel for our rap. French of course...Post-modern life is, as Deleuze sez, nomadic. We are all homeless wanderers on the featureless, pos-industrial steppe, tentless nomads, home packed up...Baby, the revolution has just begun. I mean the trashing is in dis-progress. Garbage cans full of rotten fruit, it is child's play. Disciplines to dismantle/Methods to maul/Truth to trample/Origins to emasculate...we're a-dispersing...
Ridiculous, crazy, truth...
Read it a few times and it will come to you. I'll let this one be up to interpretation. Kind of a...choose your own adventure book. I always liked those.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
175. worth one thousand words.
I was going through my laptop and cleaning up a bit. I found some cool pictures from the past 2 years or so. Thought I'd share.
Most of these have been on this blog before in random posts. Like I said before, I started this blog last October...so it's just about that time again to start again with new pictures of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays...and so on. I'm excited. Oh...and check my fav pic...8 up from the bottom. Miss Kaitlynn..too cool. =]
Most of these have been on this blog before in random posts. Like I said before, I started this blog last October...so it's just about that time again to start again with new pictures of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays...and so on. I'm excited. Oh...and check my fav pic...8 up from the bottom. Miss Kaitlynn..too cool. =]
Sunday, October 19, 2008
174. For fun...
I saw your eyes behind your shades
and I know you take what you know and the rest you evade,
but maybe...you should know me.
I'm just sayin'..
maybe..you should try me.
I've been known to be the moment.
And the very moment you chose to acknowledge the existence,
my alter ego of persistence kicked it into high gear
so steer clear because I race around hearts
and rarely falter when I begin at the start.
I'm not saying place me high up on your hill.
I'm merely saying I notice your glass seems a little empty and I've come with a refill.
Does that make sense?
How about I make cents of your dollar
because a dime like you could sure use a holler.
So let me calmly introduce myself like..
Hello, you. Call me what you see me.
Brown hair, 5'4, laced up, green eyes.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I can be okay with compromise.
I notice you speak with your hands clasped together,
and I notice that shorts are your preference in any kind of weather-
so whether or not you notice the little aspects of my being...
I'm growing fond of looking at the same things you're seeing.
So maybe one dinner and ramblings of two somebodies can occur.
I'm tired of people just nodding with me and rapping to repetitions of "I concur".
I'm almost convinced you'd be a nice change;
a step in the right direction and I'm willing to rearrange
my mapquest to follow new road signs.
I'll set up my navigation and program the coordinates,
and the little assimilations of us together can be the ordinates.
I know this comes as a surprise and a half
seeing as how every time I'm with you all I can do is laugh.
See words don't come to my lips when I feel uneasy,
stuttering has become apparent and I sort of feel "lust queasy".
But I can't help my new feelings of someone finally making my stuffy world feel breezy.
I can work on regaining my voice if I spent time near you.
I know it's just because my butterflies had been lost for so long and they deserve play time too.
So I can't be selfish and put them away.
They've been waiting patiently to come back out for almost 100 days.
I know I sound ridiculous when I can't make any words come out.
I have everything ready inside I just need to find the exit spout.
Besides, beautiful you should take this as a compliment,
me having no words is something like a virgin...
if you didn't know already they call me the word surgeon.
You don't have to answer today, tomorrow, or anytime soon,
I'm putting this out there for you to consume.
I think you're something special and I think you think the same,
but I know I think I know I think we only have cupid to blame.
=] haha...
and I know you take what you know and the rest you evade,
but maybe...you should know me.
I'm just sayin'..
maybe..you should try me.
I've been known to be the moment.
And the very moment you chose to acknowledge the existence,
my alter ego of persistence kicked it into high gear
so steer clear because I race around hearts
and rarely falter when I begin at the start.
I'm not saying place me high up on your hill.
I'm merely saying I notice your glass seems a little empty and I've come with a refill.
Does that make sense?
How about I make cents of your dollar
because a dime like you could sure use a holler.
So let me calmly introduce myself like..
Hello, you. Call me what you see me.
Brown hair, 5'4, laced up, green eyes.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I can be okay with compromise.
I notice you speak with your hands clasped together,
and I notice that shorts are your preference in any kind of weather-
so whether or not you notice the little aspects of my being...
I'm growing fond of looking at the same things you're seeing.
So maybe one dinner and ramblings of two somebodies can occur.
I'm tired of people just nodding with me and rapping to repetitions of "I concur".
I'm almost convinced you'd be a nice change;
a step in the right direction and I'm willing to rearrange
my mapquest to follow new road signs.
I'll set up my navigation and program the coordinates,
and the little assimilations of us together can be the ordinates.
I know this comes as a surprise and a half
seeing as how every time I'm with you all I can do is laugh.
See words don't come to my lips when I feel uneasy,
stuttering has become apparent and I sort of feel "lust queasy".
But I can't help my new feelings of someone finally making my stuffy world feel breezy.
I can work on regaining my voice if I spent time near you.
I know it's just because my butterflies had been lost for so long and they deserve play time too.
So I can't be selfish and put them away.
They've been waiting patiently to come back out for almost 100 days.
I know I sound ridiculous when I can't make any words come out.
I have everything ready inside I just need to find the exit spout.
Besides, beautiful you should take this as a compliment,
me having no words is something like a virgin...
if you didn't know already they call me the word surgeon.
You don't have to answer today, tomorrow, or anytime soon,
I'm putting this out there for you to consume.
I think you're something special and I think you think the same,
but I know I think I know I think we only have cupid to blame.
=] haha...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
173. if you dont know her name it's cool call her this...
name that tune.
a few semi-important things for today.
1.
Obama deserved the purple shoes. Second time they have left the box.
2. this makes me happy.
3. I just realized that on the 12th of this month...my blog had a birthday. I've held onto this thing for an entire year. How wild. I went back to my first post and read a few from the entire year. This was a good idea. I thought of it at first as a place for random pictures and thoughts. It's funny to go back and read older posts. Lots has changed in a year. Lots will change in this year. I wonder how long I can keep this little thing going. I've actually inspired a few people to start blogs. A lot of people think it's a fad. I suppose it could be considered that. Although...fads come and go. I'd like to think of this more as my outlet...when time allows. I have many mediums through which I enjoy expressing myself. This blog, a personal journal, binder paper, blackberry, napkins, my mind. Haha...if I feel inspired...who knows where I'll be and what I'll have around me to capture the moment. As long as you read, I'll write. Hell, even if you don't read...I'll write. Like I said...it's truly a blessing to have people put their eyes here. Even if you don't like what I say or how I say it. It still means something to me that you take time to read it. Maybe it has helped you through a day...maybe it has helped you through five days...maybe...it has helped you everyday. I'm not really sure. I'm not even really sure of everyone who reads this. Maybe we are related. Maybe you're a close friend. Maybe you're a distant friend. Maybe you're an outsider who I've never met. Whatever the case may be...thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you all.
"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."
a few semi-important things for today.
1.
Obama deserved the purple shoes. Second time they have left the box.
2. this makes me happy.
3. I just realized that on the 12th of this month...my blog had a birthday. I've held onto this thing for an entire year. How wild. I went back to my first post and read a few from the entire year. This was a good idea. I thought of it at first as a place for random pictures and thoughts. It's funny to go back and read older posts. Lots has changed in a year. Lots will change in this year. I wonder how long I can keep this little thing going. I've actually inspired a few people to start blogs. A lot of people think it's a fad. I suppose it could be considered that. Although...fads come and go. I'd like to think of this more as my outlet...when time allows. I have many mediums through which I enjoy expressing myself. This blog, a personal journal, binder paper, blackberry, napkins, my mind. Haha...if I feel inspired...who knows where I'll be and what I'll have around me to capture the moment. As long as you read, I'll write. Hell, even if you don't read...I'll write. Like I said...it's truly a blessing to have people put their eyes here. Even if you don't like what I say or how I say it. It still means something to me that you take time to read it. Maybe it has helped you through a day...maybe it has helped you through five days...maybe...it has helped you everyday. I'm not really sure. I'm not even really sure of everyone who reads this. Maybe we are related. Maybe you're a close friend. Maybe you're a distant friend. Maybe you're an outsider who I've never met. Whatever the case may be...thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you all.
"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
172. It's okay, you can laugh.
Ready for this?
Kristen sent me this picture the other night.
Okay okay. Laugh it out. Then take a deep breath and check it. Lets talk about this puhleaaaase. First off...I believe I was about 12 in this picture. This was my old room in my old house. Kristen and I came up with the conclusion that we had just gotten home from school and we decided that pictures were necessary. First things first....cool hair, Ashley...real talk. Second...my love for shoes has been...like I said...foreva eva...in case you didn't believe me. Here I am at age 12 changing my laces from white to red because during school we were only allowed to have black or white shoes. You neeeeded to have a fresh white pair of converse. I must have cleaned those things daily. Third...cool uniform. Yes I am wearing a skirt and yes it is plaid and yes...I miss it. I was playing two truths and a lie just then..pick out the lie. I like my wall though. Look at it. I have nsync next to some huuge picture of a little girl and faries. I still remember that picture too. Not only do I have half naked guys all over my wall...but I also have a handwritten poster...ehh not even poster haha computer paper written on. I even remember what I had written.."i swear im an angel, the horns are just there to hold up my halo". Oh brother. I was mean muggin' in this too. Why on earth? Haha... I still do that pointing thing in my pictures.
I now look like this...
I suppose age made me more friendly and less hard. Maybe the uniform made me feel hood. Wait, what? Oh who knows, but I now smile in pictures. Hmm...and I dont wear the uniform. Besides that...I look the same ya? Oh and Kaitlynn has always been cute. Especially in her pink hat. I'll try and find some old pictures of her and I. That would be fun.
Kristen sent me this picture the other night.
Okay okay. Laugh it out. Then take a deep breath and check it. Lets talk about this puhleaaaase. First off...I believe I was about 12 in this picture. This was my old room in my old house. Kristen and I came up with the conclusion that we had just gotten home from school and we decided that pictures were necessary. First things first....cool hair, Ashley...real talk. Second...my love for shoes has been...like I said...foreva eva...in case you didn't believe me. Here I am at age 12 changing my laces from white to red because during school we were only allowed to have black or white shoes. You neeeeded to have a fresh white pair of converse. I must have cleaned those things daily. Third...cool uniform. Yes I am wearing a skirt and yes it is plaid and yes...I miss it. I was playing two truths and a lie just then..pick out the lie. I like my wall though. Look at it. I have nsync next to some huuge picture of a little girl and faries. I still remember that picture too. Not only do I have half naked guys all over my wall...but I also have a handwritten poster...ehh not even poster haha computer paper written on. I even remember what I had written.."i swear im an angel, the horns are just there to hold up my halo". Oh brother. I was mean muggin' in this too. Why on earth? Haha... I still do that pointing thing in my pictures.
I now look like this...
I suppose age made me more friendly and less hard. Maybe the uniform made me feel hood. Wait, what? Oh who knows, but I now smile in pictures. Hmm...and I dont wear the uniform. Besides that...I look the same ya? Oh and Kaitlynn has always been cute. Especially in her pink hat. I'll try and find some old pictures of her and I. That would be fun.
Friday, October 10, 2008
171. Pink for awareness.
Its October. Breast Cancer awareness month. I don't do themes on this because that's...not my thing. I just write. However...pink is growing on me and it was time for a change. Digg it and wear some pink this month.
Lately I've been posting randomness. Poems, pictures, videos, playlists. Little writings. Here I am though. Welcome back.
Education costs money. Information is priceless.
That is the slogan I can use for summing up the week in short. I learned that this week. Well, I understood that this week. I suppose I always knew, but when you feel it...it's something completely different. I could go on and on about the difference between knowing and feeling...but that's for another time and place.
For the past two weeks in my rec class we have been performing a series of workshop activities that have us opening up our hearts and minds into places that they didn't necessarily want to go. At the beginning of the workshops I gave myself reason to say that these were opening up my heart and mind into places that they didn't want...or need...to go. I have since changed my mind on that. You'll see why.
We were asked to put our heads down and stay silent for a while. A bunch of 20 year olds doing meditation for no apparent reason seemed a little off when I'm used to jotting down notes in a notebook and reading power point slides until my eyes hurt. It was nice...it was relaxing. We were asked to think of people...any people...who have impacted our lives. The first ones pop in my head and they are obvious. Then...we are asked to think beyond family...to think beyond your best friend. We were asked to dig deeper and think of people who made an impact a month ago...a year ago...five years ago...when we were a child...and so forth. We were then asked to keep our heads down and think if those people were positive impacts or negative impacts. We were told that most would have only the positive impacts in our minds...but the next challenge was to think of at least three people who impacted our lives negatively...or better yet...people who impacted our lives so positively...and then it ended negatively.
Our heads rose and we were asked to jot down names of people that came up in our mind. Anyone who made an impact...a significant impact...write them down. I had a hefty list ranging from close family and friends to past coaches and teachers to severed relationships and those who I only knew for a very short period of time. Once the list was created we needed to choose some people. Any people on our list who seemed to make the most impact. One had to be negative...the rest could be positive. Again I chose the obvious when I did it the first time. After a moment to really consider everything I ended up choosing four. I feel as though everyone's impact on that large list has had a different effect on me...and different doesn't mean greater or smaller. Different means...just that...different.
My four:
A family member. A small child. A lost relationship. A man I met one time and one time only.
Family member: It's typical to see...and not so typical to feel. I'm lucky. I'm probably the luckiest girl in the world to have grown up with her best friend. Not everyone can say they have always gone into a situation with someone right by their side. I can. For that...I am blessed. I am impacted daily through happenings, sayings, wisdom. What I lack...they have. I wouldn't be who I am today without them...and as cliche as it sounds...I'd rather sound sappy than to take someone that means the entire world to me for granted. The impact has been felt since day one and although I can't pinpoint an actual chunk of time that has done the most for me...it is because each new day brings about a new finding within myself...thanks to them. I suppose if I had to sum the impact itself up...I'd say that I've never met anyone so in tune with how they view the world. As righteous and worldly as I try to sound...I'm a small figure in how they can walk through life never cursing the days or cursing other's ways. If I end up embodying even half of who they are by the time my days are done...my life will hold more meaning than I ever thought possible.
Small child: Once a week I am blessed enough to get to spend time with my little friend. Children are cool...for lack of better words. Children are honest. My two year old friend has taught me much about myself. I find myself more aware of my surroundings when I'm with him. He's curious. He asks questions. Where in life am I that I have forgotten to ask questions about what's going on? I sit confused most days as he goes along learning about life from people ten times his age and has no idea that although I'm educating him....he educates me. He gives good hugs. Better hugs than I get from old friends and new friends who think that a one handed hug is sufficient when all I really want to to do...where I really want to be...is held. He doesn't care if I come over in basketball shorts and a sweatshirt. He knows no color, no race, no orientation. He knows his "ash a ley"...and that's that. He's impacted my life in the simple yet expansive way of letting me feel okay to be myself, to let myself be hugged...to let myself be looked up to literally..and figuratively. He has taught me that knowledge is expressed through actions as well as words. He is someone I look forward to seeing week after week. I can't say that about many people anymore.
Lost relationship: They all become lost at some point I suppose. If it's not by a choice in one party or the other, death will part the two until they can be reunited once again in a different space. It wasn't like the rest I must say. Every relationship is different. This one fit the mold of everything I wanted, nothing I needed. That's the beauty of the teaching...you learn the difference between a want and a need. Once you can decipher, you realize that it becomes more of a blessing than an actual thirst. A blessing sounds much better than being parched for something and having it be imperative, doesn't it? Relaxing, calming, escaping, and worth it all come to mind. I wrote poems, I read poems, I held hands, I danced, I sang, I watched waves crash and I made peace signs in the sand. It ended. They became sorry. I became sad. They became not so sorry. I became confused. They became invisible. I became bitter. I then realized that I learned more than I lost. I felt how something real should feel. It didn't matter how it ended. It doesn't matter how it remains. It matters...that it mattered. I will say that again...it matters...that it mattered. The impact was felt with a resounding pulse. My heart is happy that they are now happy with who they have. I truly mean that. The impact is I have learned something that is worth everything. The impact of a negative...is ultimately the impact of a positive.
Man I met: I was 16 years old, a sophomore in high school. We were expected to go on a field trip to the Tenderloin, one of San Francisco's corridors to one of the most eye opening parts of the city...the country..to date. The Tenderloin is a place where homeless live. It is a place in the city where shelters line the blocks, corners are run by drug dealers and prostitutes, and it is a free haven to all who can't go anywhere else. This is not a pretty place...not at all. It is not meant to be. The school would take students down to the main shelter and, for one day, open their eyes. Each student wrote a list of three jobs they placed in order of "ideal" to be put in for the day. Not everyone would get their first choice. Not everyone would get their second choice. But this day was supposed to be what we made out of it...so it was not supposed to be easy. Some jobs were day-care personnel, which meant taking care of the foster kids...playing with them on the jungle gym and such. Another job was packing canned foods for the food banks to hand out. Sorting out different foods and making sure everyone got equal amounts. I had put down these jobs..and ultimately got my last choice...dining room. It was the most intense as far as experience and it wasn't a first choice by many. Me and five other people were assigned the duties of serving food to the homeless and walking around refilling water glasses for them. This hall was incredible. The doors opened up and hundreds and hundreds of men, women, and children piled into empty seats and sat patiently waiting for a meal, their only meal...for the day. I served...observing...wondering...watching. After our service was over we were allowed to have a plate of what they were eating and go sit in the break room. I picked up my plate and walked to a table filled with people...and sat down to eat. Break rooms don't teach you anything. Tables filled with the people who many don't look in the eyes...teach you everything. I met a man that day named Charles. I haven't used anyone's name in this until now. But Charles is very unlikely to read this ever. See, Charles lives on the streets of San Francisco. Everyday at 12 he comes to the food hall for his lunch, hoping that it isn't fish...he didn't like fish much. He carries his only prized possession- his sony walkman disc player and a cd caselodge filled with his favorite cds (no wonder I dugg this guy). Charles asked me why I wasn't in the break room. I told him I didn't know...because that was the honest truth. He asked where I was from and what my story was. I told him I was here on a field trip. He thanked me for coming to serve him and his friends food. Imagine that...I'm telling my story and he thanks me...for something I had barely done. I then asked him to tell me about his life. He tells me its the same routine every single day. He enjoys it...although he misses his old life very much. See, Charles was a fireman. He fought forest fires for a living. He loved it. He had a big house that he had pictures of him standing in front of....nicely dressed with a perfect car that he was leaning up against. He told me that one day it all changed, when he got burned in a fire. He then showed me his arms and legs which had scars up and down them from the burn. He told me he lost everything after that. He never would be able to work again after his disability. He got into some bad habits, made a lot less money than before, and felt as though he lost a part of himself. I cried. I know it sounds insane but..I sat at that lunch table that day crying because I felt him. I saw what I had been missing. Each person has a story. Each person comes from a starting line and ends up in a race that they never thought they would end up on when they come to a finish. That is life. That is beautiful, hard, scream out your wildest fears...life. I left that day knowing I'd never see Charles again. Knowing I might never make it back to eat another lunch with him...as he referred to himself as a "traveling man". Yet Charles left an impact on me that I will never forget for as long as I remain here. Charles was homeless. Charles was burned. Charles got one meal a day. Yet Charles smiled when he spoke. Charles thanked me for serving him a hot plate of food. Charles shook my hand and told me that I was a good soul. Charles doesn't know it...he will never know it...but he impacted my life that day.
I was asked to contact these four people and tell them that they impacted me in one way or another. I could do it any way I felt comfortable...or not so comfortable..but it was something that was encouraged by the workshop. I contacted two out of the four. One by word of mouth...face to face and phone. The other...by a letter. Both were without hope or agenda. Both were for myself. I didn't need to explain the impact they had made...just that they had made one. The other two I have yet to contact...for obvious reasons. Someday I'm sure. Blessings occur each and everyday and this is living, breathing proof of that. I am inspired. I am impacted. I am ever thankful.
Peace and Blessings, ya'll.
Lately I've been posting randomness. Poems, pictures, videos, playlists. Little writings. Here I am though. Welcome back.
Education costs money. Information is priceless.
That is the slogan I can use for summing up the week in short. I learned that this week. Well, I understood that this week. I suppose I always knew, but when you feel it...it's something completely different. I could go on and on about the difference between knowing and feeling...but that's for another time and place.
For the past two weeks in my rec class we have been performing a series of workshop activities that have us opening up our hearts and minds into places that they didn't necessarily want to go. At the beginning of the workshops I gave myself reason to say that these were opening up my heart and mind into places that they didn't want...or need...to go. I have since changed my mind on that. You'll see why.
We were asked to put our heads down and stay silent for a while. A bunch of 20 year olds doing meditation for no apparent reason seemed a little off when I'm used to jotting down notes in a notebook and reading power point slides until my eyes hurt. It was nice...it was relaxing. We were asked to think of people...any people...who have impacted our lives. The first ones pop in my head and they are obvious. Then...we are asked to think beyond family...to think beyond your best friend. We were asked to dig deeper and think of people who made an impact a month ago...a year ago...five years ago...when we were a child...and so forth. We were then asked to keep our heads down and think if those people were positive impacts or negative impacts. We were told that most would have only the positive impacts in our minds...but the next challenge was to think of at least three people who impacted our lives negatively...or better yet...people who impacted our lives so positively...and then it ended negatively.
Our heads rose and we were asked to jot down names of people that came up in our mind. Anyone who made an impact...a significant impact...write them down. I had a hefty list ranging from close family and friends to past coaches and teachers to severed relationships and those who I only knew for a very short period of time. Once the list was created we needed to choose some people. Any people on our list who seemed to make the most impact. One had to be negative...the rest could be positive. Again I chose the obvious when I did it the first time. After a moment to really consider everything I ended up choosing four. I feel as though everyone's impact on that large list has had a different effect on me...and different doesn't mean greater or smaller. Different means...just that...different.
My four:
A family member. A small child. A lost relationship. A man I met one time and one time only.
Family member: It's typical to see...and not so typical to feel. I'm lucky. I'm probably the luckiest girl in the world to have grown up with her best friend. Not everyone can say they have always gone into a situation with someone right by their side. I can. For that...I am blessed. I am impacted daily through happenings, sayings, wisdom. What I lack...they have. I wouldn't be who I am today without them...and as cliche as it sounds...I'd rather sound sappy than to take someone that means the entire world to me for granted. The impact has been felt since day one and although I can't pinpoint an actual chunk of time that has done the most for me...it is because each new day brings about a new finding within myself...thanks to them. I suppose if I had to sum the impact itself up...I'd say that I've never met anyone so in tune with how they view the world. As righteous and worldly as I try to sound...I'm a small figure in how they can walk through life never cursing the days or cursing other's ways. If I end up embodying even half of who they are by the time my days are done...my life will hold more meaning than I ever thought possible.
Small child: Once a week I am blessed enough to get to spend time with my little friend. Children are cool...for lack of better words. Children are honest. My two year old friend has taught me much about myself. I find myself more aware of my surroundings when I'm with him. He's curious. He asks questions. Where in life am I that I have forgotten to ask questions about what's going on? I sit confused most days as he goes along learning about life from people ten times his age and has no idea that although I'm educating him....he educates me. He gives good hugs. Better hugs than I get from old friends and new friends who think that a one handed hug is sufficient when all I really want to to do...where I really want to be...is held. He doesn't care if I come over in basketball shorts and a sweatshirt. He knows no color, no race, no orientation. He knows his "ash a ley"...and that's that. He's impacted my life in the simple yet expansive way of letting me feel okay to be myself, to let myself be hugged...to let myself be looked up to literally..and figuratively. He has taught me that knowledge is expressed through actions as well as words. He is someone I look forward to seeing week after week. I can't say that about many people anymore.
Lost relationship: They all become lost at some point I suppose. If it's not by a choice in one party or the other, death will part the two until they can be reunited once again in a different space. It wasn't like the rest I must say. Every relationship is different. This one fit the mold of everything I wanted, nothing I needed. That's the beauty of the teaching...you learn the difference between a want and a need. Once you can decipher, you realize that it becomes more of a blessing than an actual thirst. A blessing sounds much better than being parched for something and having it be imperative, doesn't it? Relaxing, calming, escaping, and worth it all come to mind. I wrote poems, I read poems, I held hands, I danced, I sang, I watched waves crash and I made peace signs in the sand. It ended. They became sorry. I became sad. They became not so sorry. I became confused. They became invisible. I became bitter. I then realized that I learned more than I lost. I felt how something real should feel. It didn't matter how it ended. It doesn't matter how it remains. It matters...that it mattered. I will say that again...it matters...that it mattered. The impact was felt with a resounding pulse. My heart is happy that they are now happy with who they have. I truly mean that. The impact is I have learned something that is worth everything. The impact of a negative...is ultimately the impact of a positive.
Man I met: I was 16 years old, a sophomore in high school. We were expected to go on a field trip to the Tenderloin, one of San Francisco's corridors to one of the most eye opening parts of the city...the country..to date. The Tenderloin is a place where homeless live. It is a place in the city where shelters line the blocks, corners are run by drug dealers and prostitutes, and it is a free haven to all who can't go anywhere else. This is not a pretty place...not at all. It is not meant to be. The school would take students down to the main shelter and, for one day, open their eyes. Each student wrote a list of three jobs they placed in order of "ideal" to be put in for the day. Not everyone would get their first choice. Not everyone would get their second choice. But this day was supposed to be what we made out of it...so it was not supposed to be easy. Some jobs were day-care personnel, which meant taking care of the foster kids...playing with them on the jungle gym and such. Another job was packing canned foods for the food banks to hand out. Sorting out different foods and making sure everyone got equal amounts. I had put down these jobs..and ultimately got my last choice...dining room. It was the most intense as far as experience and it wasn't a first choice by many. Me and five other people were assigned the duties of serving food to the homeless and walking around refilling water glasses for them. This hall was incredible. The doors opened up and hundreds and hundreds of men, women, and children piled into empty seats and sat patiently waiting for a meal, their only meal...for the day. I served...observing...wondering...watching. After our service was over we were allowed to have a plate of what they were eating and go sit in the break room. I picked up my plate and walked to a table filled with people...and sat down to eat. Break rooms don't teach you anything. Tables filled with the people who many don't look in the eyes...teach you everything. I met a man that day named Charles. I haven't used anyone's name in this until now. But Charles is very unlikely to read this ever. See, Charles lives on the streets of San Francisco. Everyday at 12 he comes to the food hall for his lunch, hoping that it isn't fish...he didn't like fish much. He carries his only prized possession- his sony walkman disc player and a cd caselodge filled with his favorite cds (no wonder I dugg this guy). Charles asked me why I wasn't in the break room. I told him I didn't know...because that was the honest truth. He asked where I was from and what my story was. I told him I was here on a field trip. He thanked me for coming to serve him and his friends food. Imagine that...I'm telling my story and he thanks me...for something I had barely done. I then asked him to tell me about his life. He tells me its the same routine every single day. He enjoys it...although he misses his old life very much. See, Charles was a fireman. He fought forest fires for a living. He loved it. He had a big house that he had pictures of him standing in front of....nicely dressed with a perfect car that he was leaning up against. He told me that one day it all changed, when he got burned in a fire. He then showed me his arms and legs which had scars up and down them from the burn. He told me he lost everything after that. He never would be able to work again after his disability. He got into some bad habits, made a lot less money than before, and felt as though he lost a part of himself. I cried. I know it sounds insane but..I sat at that lunch table that day crying because I felt him. I saw what I had been missing. Each person has a story. Each person comes from a starting line and ends up in a race that they never thought they would end up on when they come to a finish. That is life. That is beautiful, hard, scream out your wildest fears...life. I left that day knowing I'd never see Charles again. Knowing I might never make it back to eat another lunch with him...as he referred to himself as a "traveling man". Yet Charles left an impact on me that I will never forget for as long as I remain here. Charles was homeless. Charles was burned. Charles got one meal a day. Yet Charles smiled when he spoke. Charles thanked me for serving him a hot plate of food. Charles shook my hand and told me that I was a good soul. Charles doesn't know it...he will never know it...but he impacted my life that day.
I was asked to contact these four people and tell them that they impacted me in one way or another. I could do it any way I felt comfortable...or not so comfortable..but it was something that was encouraged by the workshop. I contacted two out of the four. One by word of mouth...face to face and phone. The other...by a letter. Both were without hope or agenda. Both were for myself. I didn't need to explain the impact they had made...just that they had made one. The other two I have yet to contact...for obvious reasons. Someday I'm sure. Blessings occur each and everyday and this is living, breathing proof of that. I am inspired. I am impacted. I am ever thankful.
Peace and Blessings, ya'll.
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