132. Bittersweet.

I am alive.


Within the next 24 hours my entire world will be once again flipped upside down. And yet...I'm looking forward to it just like any other day. I will greet the morning with a smile and a remembrance. I'm not quite sure how to handle 365 days a year. Every new years I wonder what will happen. This past one was absolutely no different. Little did I know that something was about to change my existence forever. Fate has a funny way of bringing people and things and activities and memories together like nobody's business. If there was a professional team for random wonderful happenings....I would most definitely want fate to choose me first. Guess what....this time he did. He wanted me on board and I hopped on. So I'm still not sure what happens in 365 days....but I know that in just about 35 of them...I was floating on a cloud higher than anyone else.

Perfection does not exist. I have never been a firm believer in anything being perfect. If something is flawless...it is boring and holds no meaning. Flaws determine strength, perseverance, and best of all, hope. I have found something with so many flaws...that I am actually now a firm believer in the ever so slighted phrase of "perfection". It isn't about believing in something perfect, it's definitely about believing in an imperfection perfectly.

The beauty of all this is...I am not writing for the reader...I write for myself and the reader follows the letters that make up the words that make up the ideas that turn into a belief - or a disbelief if we were to go with the latter. This relates because I am not doing this for the fate that I have bumped into. I am doing this for myself...and fate showed up. Fate turned into happenings which turned into feelings which turned into a belief. A belief that I am now able to feel what it feels like to have the wind beside me. No longer am I chasing the wind in front of me, and no longer is a wind at my back. I am able to walk side by side with my head held high and my heart acting as a shower;slow and steady drops to feel a full effect.

Roughly 35 days have gone by. Roughly 35 days have gone by and I am not changed. I am different. There is a difference. I have been given reason to look at the world much differently which makes me thankful for a new outlook on the everyday happenings that should and should not occur. I have gained more than I have lost. In my book...my very large novel...that's all that matters. In this game no one loses. In my game I am the winner. In our game there is a time out.

Water crystals fall from my face as I try and hold it together. For the tears are smiling. I am the unluckiest girl on the face of the planet. I am the luckiest girl on the face of the planet. I trek on with nothing but the clothes on my back and the pictures my eyelids will reveal to me as I close them every once in a while to get just a little bit closer to the time when the world will move in a direction that I want to travel again with open arms. I am fierce. I am strong. I am thankful.



"Let it be..."