168. I'll put this in the vault.

I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...

Instead I drove to a horizontal parking spot
where I sat in that empty parking lot
waiting for the sky to drop,
watching the dark clouds filled with water finally pop
and down comes the trickle of the water.
And do you realize how hard it is to watch my very own slaughter?
Making it hard to decipher the difference between
the drops outside and my tears.
But I won't spend years.
I'll spend a moment. this moment. in the parking lot.

I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...

Instead I trudge down the wrong side of the pavement
heel toe, heel toe as I see the back of every past engagement
with you...or anyone who jailed my thoughts.
In my pocket, steps on the street
I feel your folded written letter-the one that was sweet
so I bend down, and tuck in on the cold ground
underneath some school books I never read-
right next to the kiss I blew that tattooed the sidewalk instead.
It never made it. 5000 miles and it never made it.
The cracks in the cement walkway have turned into small rivers.
It seems the faucet line from my eyes has been severed,
as I watch each wet memory flow smoothly into never-forever.
But I won't spend forever.
I'll spend a moment. this moment. on the sidewalk.

I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...

Instead I lie in my bed watching my breath.
These words that escape my lips are all that I have left
as I've left speaking to people...up to the level headed.
I debate picking up the charging phone
knowing I long for a ring from a completely new time zone.
Hating the fact that regardless of the outcome I still go to bed alone.
If I could just get one hand to press the "h" and "i" keys
I'm more stubborn then that and no one will have me on my knees
so my hands stay put. and my mind is covered in soot.
And things are all foggy and I know I'll wake up in the morning groggy
because of all the things I leave unsaid each and everyday.
but I won't spend every single day.
I'll spend a moment. this moment. in my bed.



And I wish I could tell you I'd see you again someday,
but you're lost forever I swear-
I'll never notice us together- me and you, there.
I took time to keep my heart full of faith,
but you even took the words out the song I used to wipe the tears off my face.

And I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...
I was going to tell you that day.













SimplyCakeWalk (9:10:20 PM): Bold is how we should write everytime...careless even...sometimes even reckless...that makes words scream and cry and smile and just feel alive
Asoulfoolwonder (9:11:06 PM): exactly. too many people are cautious. you cant do cautious while writing. no one will feel anything. and i want people to feel. i want myself to feel.
SimplyCakeWalk (9:15:40 PM): True story.... I don't just write ...I give away. My secrets ...I let the Reader know I too have felt that way
Asoulfoolwonder (9:17:10 PM): it helps them. in turn helping me. everyone has been there. everyone. i just say what their mind has yearned to say for so long. whoever they are. im telling them...ive been there. and look how i have used it...for positive.