086. Write on, right on.

My good friend Jenny had asked me a few weeks back to help her with an art form for one of her classes. Shes in the masters program at NDNU for psychology (doing an amazing job might I add) and asked for a poem by me for one of her projects. I was flattered and humbled and of course said yes. She sent me all the details. There wasnt many rules or guidelines to what the poem had to be about which was quite nice because freedom to write is what poetry is all about anyways. The only stipulation was that the poem sort of had to relate to PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). She sent me some information on it and I looked up some information myself. After getting a pretty good grasp of what the concept is...I came up with a written piece.

[sorry for all the background info. Thought the poem would make more sense with a little story behind it.]


The Mistake

Bang!
I heard it twice more.
Bang, Bang!
But this is not what I signed up for.
Four people are now off this planet,
and its not how I planned it.
This was three weeks ago and I still can’t stand it.
I try and stand tall, but everyday I make the same fall
back to how we were just playing ball,
and the men rolled through and rolled two
windows down and with their frowns on their faces
put my four best friends in their places.
And I ran.
I ran until there was no more man…in me.
I’m just a young child you see.
I have strange fits some nights.
I now sleep with bright lights.
I haven’t combed my hair,
and people often stop and stare
at the lack of cleanliness I have chosen to bare.
But I don’t care.
I feel so guilty
so my body needs to remain filthy
to convey and relay the message of shame I hold.
It was fire in me that used to be bold,
But my body is cold.
I’m ice and its cracking
so I’m cracking; I’m lacking self.
Will this get better?
This will get better.
It has to get better.
I mean, it cant get any worse,
I saw 4 of my friends ride in a hearse
for God’s sake and this was all a mistake.
And it will take time to recreate…me…again.
A mistake.
A mistake.
The mistake.