090. I'm close.

Too 100 posts that is. Well kinda.



I'm tired of...
Hypocrites. Liars. People who do nothing with their lives. Broccoli (just for this week). Being on aim all the time. The color orange. People taking my words as their own. School. Not having those vans I want. People feeding me lines because they think I would like to hear it. Not knowing where I'm going yet.


so lately...this is what keeps my busy life sane:
Car talks with darcie. Tasha bringing me tea...just because she knows I'm going through something tough. Hiding my sidekick all day. Family dinners. Cassie emailing me daily. Jenny and her texts. Watching the L word. Listening to Taylor vent. Reading "eat pray love". Audrey telling me how much she likes birds. Knowing I get to see kaitlynn and dani this weekend. Not having work until Friday. Peanut butter crunch from J. Payday. A clean room. My new CD. Kelly making sure I'm doing okay in math. Sociology class. Counting down the days until DVC is done. Writing. Smiling. Smiling. Breathing. Embracing all of the things I am thankful for...and remembering not to take them for granted.




I have two people in my life. I spoke with both of them recently and both brought up the same topic...except in two extremely different ways.

The first person I talked to mentioned she is buying a car soon. She once had a very nice, expensive car and doesn't have it anymore. She wants to find another one. We were speaking the other night and she tells me she is getting a brand new top of the line SUV. Its big...and clean...and has a TV inside and navigation. Her explanation was a little more detailed and its hard to convey the tone of her voice through words. Yet, it was almost as if rubbing it in my face. I felt threatened and didn't say much. She said "are you going to be jealous of my new car? I think you will be". I wasn't really sure how to answer..and I said something back like "I wont be jealous. It doesn't matter much. Its just a car. It just gets you from here to there." She then continued to brag and boast about the vehicle but my mind wandered elsewhere.

The second person I talked to explained to me that she didn't know if she was going to be able to balance everything she is doing now at the same time next year. I told her I understood where she was coming from and had been in that situation before. She told me she was trying to balance everything and to top it all off she doesn't have a car. She makes due with what she has and was not complaining by any means. She knows she has to do what she is doing and there is no question or quarrels about what will happen.



The first person...is buying an extremely expensive car...for no reason. She works two minutes from home and doesn't go to school or anywhere else. She just would like to look flashy. The second person...has no car...has no means to get a car...and yet is taking 15 units in college, working almost 20 hours a week, and playing softball. It was funny, I noticed that in the first conversation I was so turned off by the way her voice came across to me and the way she was putting everything, that I forgot many of the things she said. Yet...in the second conversation I listened to every word. I respected what she had to say because I believed that this was not about having the best of everything. It was not having something simply to rub it in another persons face. This was about living. This was about making a living to better herself and the people around her. This was necessary.

Its wild to see how society can work. People with little are so thankful and don't need to brag. And when they do make it...they feel accomplished. Others take for granted the things that they feel will complete them. Its all a different scope of learning and being taught. Environment, experience, and parenting I feel have a lot to do with it. Just my opinion. But then again...I don't usually write about personal experiences because I don't like to call out people. This one just has been stuck in my head and I needed to release it.