I was trying to plug my phone charger in and zappp...my fingers are now numb and my heart beat is running at a much faster pace than before. Maybe I'm over reacting. I doubt it though...it was quite a shock...eyy? Okay, okay...but there in lies irony with what just happened.
Main Entry: elec·tro·cute
Pronunciation: i-ˈlek-trə-kyüt
Function: transitive verb
1 : to execute (a criminal) by electricity
2 : to kill by electric shock
I suppose it would happen just as I poured my heart and soul out to another. This doesnt happen often. People who are close with me know this. I laughed after the whole shock thing happened. It would make sense that a vibrant burst of energy run through my body after my mind and heart had just been drained. Oh the world and how it works in many ways one cannot describe.
Why am I awake at 2:30? Why, why, why? I guess a writer cannot explain why he or she writes things at abnormal hours. Its almost like a musician...writing songs in the middle of the night because their rhyming words will not be as dramatic in the morning. Or the basketball star who wakes up at 4 in the morning because he cannot lay in bed another minute without a free throw. Everyone has moments where things hit them and they must follow them. Inspiration can come at any time. I suppose my time right now is 2:30. Bed will follow shortly...and I wont regret any of it.
Days are passing and I am an observer. The world, as fast paced as it is, can slow down if one wishes. Breathe. Not just breathe but...listen to yourself breathe. Listen to yourself think if it will not get you into trouble. By this I mean I have a first hand account of myself thinking too much because I speak so little; leaving me to my words inside. Maybe it's how all writers feel. Words on paper are thoughts through the brain. I just had a very nice phone conversation. I talked...they listened. I didnt have to talk...but I did. Once I started I couldn't stop and by the time I did I needed 10 quick breaths because I forgot to do that while wearing my heart on my sleeve for just a moment. I quickly tucked it back in and then thanked God for not being much of a talker...no wonder those people are high strung...they never breathe. It all makes sense now. Haha...no no...but I am thankful for the conversation I was just able to have.
I now have learned that the best people in life always have a backpack full of actions. These people not only say things...but do them. Words only can mean so much. Think of a hand...if you did not know what a hand was at all...how would you describe it to someone? Would that be enough? Maybe...quite possibly...even probably. Yet...if someone were to hold a hand it would stimulate the mind and being able to visualize something that is in front of you is completely better than a story book full of words like "skin" "fingers" "thumbs". Maybe its 2:30 and I'm not making any sense but maybe...you know what I'm talking about.
As thanksgiving comes up...I'm thankful for many people. I could name many...but then I'd forget someone and since my blog is oh so real...someone would get hurt and I'm not really down for hurting people. You know who you are. You know if you are in my life and you know why you are in my life. The more days pass the more I make my mind erase what has broken me down. I only can shoot for positivity. No one can create that but myself. I create my days. I create my beautiful days with my beautiful people. Everyday is a test. God gives me little tests each and every day. Those tests build character. My character is very important to me. I am given tasks in my everyday life that God is sure I can handle. Even if I am full of doubt...he is behind me coaxing me through it. When I finish...I have proved myself wrong...and right. Thats one heck of a feeling. Being true to ones self is even more rewarding. My friend whom I spoke with tonight told me that its not enough to pick and choose who to be a good person to. If one thinks that he or she can run around pointing fingers and claiming to be a good person with only a handful...and then ruining the rest...they are not good at all. I feel as though that makes much sense and might even mean they are a worse person for doing that then...being a horrible person to everyone. At least consistency is in the picture then. Be kind to each and every person you meet...for they are fighting a battle to which you know nothing about. I believe in all until they give me a reason not to. And well...tonight I've secured a reason not to for a certain person. Life moves...and I wish to move with it.
I wrote this following statement in my english class last week. Our teacher told us to write something insightful. He was tired of us having nothing to say about the book we were reading and he wanted to see what our minds were filled with. Two sentences about anything in the world. I wrote this in my last blog but I kind of wish to share it again. I am proud of what I wrote and I feel as though it can be related to what I'm feeling:
"Know your worth. And once you find it...do not compromise it for any person. When you feel as though you have that under control...don't even compromise it for yourself."
I will sleep now. Knowing tomorrow is a brand new day. With my left arm half numb from the electrocution I've learned a lot tonight. Every once in a while shocks happen. You must be one with them because...they are stronger than you at that very moment. They tingle and make your heart beat fast. They anger you in ways you wish to control and cant very well do so. They fade away slowly and leave their mark. It's a reminder that everyone will go through it...get through it...and see another day.
I do apologize for this painfully long and somewhat pointless ramble. My mind is at ease now. Yours can be too with a lovely picture. I know...they are better than words. =] Enjoi.
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