042. Call me if you need me, but don't need me.

Someone needed me. Ughhh. Read above statement...riiight?


Today was a bad day. I don't wish to write about today...so I will write about yesterday maybe.

We made gingerbread houses yesterday. It was quite the adventure. Contests were between dani and kaitlynn...and me and darcie. This seems absurd because kaitlynn is perfect and dani is detailed while darcie is 7 and I am..well..me. I was into it for about the first 10 minutes. Then darcie and I decided it would be a better idea to pretend that I was the gingerbread house and decorate my face. Does that sound rediculous? Well, it was. However...you would have laughed right along with the rest of us. My dad chimes in when we finally finished the two houses and tells me that these are replicas of our future homes. Kaitlynn's house...perfect. My house...a little less than perfect...a little less than a little less than perfect. I asked him..."who's perfect?" and for that matter, "who wants to be perfect?" Kaitlynn can't help that shes the only perfect person on this earth so she is exempt from that above statement, but I enjoy my half eaten, roof falling off, mismatched, melted snowman gingerbread house. Custom? Okay.

Days grow nearer to Christmas. I am very excited. The UPS man thinks that the 12 days of Christmas is now at my house. You see, I seem to be getting a package from Victor everyday. Yesterday he gave me the finest chocolates from europe. They came in a mahogany box with an engraving on the side. Today I received burberry brit just because I mentioned that it smelled wonderful. Well, he's wonderful. I thank him from the bottom of my heart for making my holiday a little sweeter...and better smelling. =]

I wrote this a while ago. I'm not sure if I ever posted it but...I found it and I think it makes a lot of sense in how I am feeling lately. Eh...scratch that...how I
need to feel starting...now.


To me, whatever path I choose in life, whether good or bad, past or present, has a reason behind it. I may not be the holiest person I know, but I do know that I strongly believe in God. I know now that he doesnt create life to be always fair, but God is always faithful. In return, I must stay faithful back. Complaining doesn't help and to have change, I must create what I wish to see among myself because no one else can produce that. On the subject of others, I cannot change anyone. No matter how hard I try, everyone is individually wrapped. Whether they choose to stay that way, or fall under society's grasp...I cannot consider that my problem. There is no need for me to chase anybody with my heart who treats me as their option. I am not expendible. I will find what I need when the time is right. Beautiful days are surrounding me, and I finally have realized that the more time I concern myself with clouds, the less time I shall see the sun behind them.






I see sun.